Knox will push me away again.
And somehow, I survived something that shouldn’t have been survivable.
None of it makes sense.
None of it feels real.
But the pain…that’s real. The cold is real. The tremors and the throbbing and the dizziness, all real.
Which means this nightmare is just beginning.
Chapter 10
Sawyer
The first thing I notice is the beeping.
It’s rhythmic and steady and it pulls me through layers of fog. I was having these horrible dreams. I can’t remember details but I know I kept reaching for Owen, and my hands couldn’t grasp him. My eyelids are heavy and stuck together with something crusty and when I finally force them open, the fluorescent lights stab into my skull.
There’s white ceiling tiles…an antiseptic smell. Voices coming from a PA system.
It’s a hospital.
I try to sit up but pain explodes across my ribs, shoulders, and neck. Everything hurts. A groan escapes before I can stop it.
“Easy, honey. Don’t move too fast.” A nurse appears beside me, and the first thing I notice is her thin brows raised high. “You’re okay. You’re safe. You’re at Mercer Memorial Hospital.”
Safe?
The word echoes in my head, while I try to absorb it. Safe. Am I safe? Why wouldn’t I be?—
Owen.
A sob tears from my throat as the memory slams into me with the force of the derailment itself. The screaming. The metalwailing. Knox’s hand holding on, squeezing. The death. Oh God…
“Owen,” I gasp, trying to sit up again. The machines around me start beeping faster. “Where’s Owen? And Knox? Where?—”
“Shh, it’s okay.” The nurse’s hands are gentle but firm on my shoulders, easing me back against the pillows. “You need to stay calm. Let me get the doctor, okay?”
I don’t want the doctor. I only want him…Them.
“No, please. Just—” I can’t get my words straight. I’m too groggy, and the pain has me wincing.
“The doctor will be right in.” Her smile doesn’t reach her eyes.
And then I remember. Owen fell. Owen is probably dead.
But some part of me won’t accept it. I refuse to. Because if I accept it, then I have to remember the sound he made when he realized he was about to fall. I have to remember watching the whole car go crashing into the earth below. And I can’t…That’s not real. It didn’t happen.
Because if it’s real, I’ll have to remember that the last thing I did before my boyfriend died was hold his brother’s hand.
The doctor arrives—a tired-looking woman in her forties with a smiley face pin on her lanyard and coffee on her breath. She asks me questions I can barely process. What’s my name? What day is it? Do I know where I am?
“Sawyer Thorne,” I whisper. “I don’t…I don’t know what day it is. We were at Wonder World. The ride. There was—” My throat closes up but I have to ask. Maybe there’s a chance. Maybe in this fucked up world and this nightmare situation, Owen somehow survived. “Owen. Please. Owen Aldrich, did he survive?”
She whispers something to the nurse before turning back to me. “Let’s focus on you right now, okay? Your body went intoshock. You have several contusions, some bruised ribs, a mild concussion. You were very lucky?—”
“Don’t.” The word comes out harsher than I mean it to. “Don’t tell me I was lucky.”
