Just...emptiness.
Mr. and Mrs. Aldrich stand on the far side of his bed like bodyguards. Mrs. Aldrich, Victoria, looks as bad as I expected—her face swollen and blotchy, eyes red and puffy, long dark hair a tangled mess. She’s leaning heavily against her husband like she might collapse without his support. Mr. Aldrich, the man I always considered a second father, has his arm around her, but he’s looking at me with narrowed eyes.
“Five minutes,” he says, like he’d rather be talking to a cockroach or sewer rat. “That’s all.”
Mrs. Aldrich makes a choked sound, and turns her face into his shoulder. She shudders as she takes in a breath. “Richard, behave yourself. This is Sawyer…She’s just?—”
“She’s the reason our son is dead.”
My mouth hangs open. How could he think that? Why? I look toward Knox, my eyes pleading for him to say something,protect me from his father’s false accusations. But he examines his hospital blanket, picking at a loose strand.
“Mr. Aldrich. Richard…” I manage, feeling the tears threaten to break free. “I’m so sorry but that’s just not true. Owen?—”
At the sound of his name, Victoria starts to wail. Richard wraps her in his arms, still looking at me sternly. I ignore him and wheel myself a few inches closer to Knox.
“Knox,” I whisper. My hands are shaking in my lap, so I tuck them under my thighs. “I just—I needed to see that you’re okay.”
He gives me nothing. Not even a blink or nod.
“We made it,” I continue, desperation leaking into my voice despite my best efforts to stay calm. “We survived and I know it’s—I know he—” I’m trying to say Owen’s name again but it catches in my throat. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry about Owen.”
“Everyone’s sorry,” Richard practically spits. “Sorry doesn’t bring him back.”
“I know. I know it doesn’t.” I look at Knox, silently begging him to give me something. Anything. A sign that what we shared up there was real. “We were up there together. You held my hand. You kept talking to me. You told me about the storm and the fort and?—”
“Thorne.” Knox’s voice cuts through my rambling like a knife. It’s flat. Emotionless. Dead. “Don’t.”
“Don’t, what?”
His jaw tightens. I watch the muscles in his throat work as he swallows, and for a second I think I see the Knox that I know. The Knox that was my lifeline up there. But then he blinks and it’s gone, replaced by that same vacant expression.
“Don’t make this into something it wasn’t.”
The room spins. “What?”
“We were stuck together.” Each word from his lips is slow and intentional, like he’s thought about exactly what to say and how to say it to cause maximum damage. “That’s all. We werein the same car when the ride malfunctioned. I would have held anyone’s hand in that situation. I would have talked to anyone to stay calm. It didn’t mean anything.”
It didn’t mean anything.
The words echo in my skull, bouncing around until they’re all I can hear but they still make no sense.
“Knox…You can’t…That’s not?—”
“I’m tired.” He looks away from me, fixing his gaze on the wall near his parents. “I’d like to rest now.”
“But…you don’t mean that. You?—”
“Sawyer.” He speaks my name like he’s repulsed by me. Like I’m a stranger or worse, an enemy, who’s overstayed her welcome. “Just go.”
Mr. Aldrich moves toward the door, clearly ready to enforce the request if I don’t comply. “I think that’s enough. You’ve upset him. You’ve upset us all.”
“What the hell? I haven’t done anything!” The words burst out of me between shaking breaths. I hug my chest, ignoring the pain, and feel my face turn beet red. “I just came in here to see that he’s okay. This is bullshit. We survived this together.”
“My son is dead,” Mrs. Aldrich sputters. “My Owen is dead and you want to come in here and talk about survival?”
I grip the fabric of my hospital gown tight. Fuck. She’s right. What am I doing? What was I thinking, coming here, talking about what Knox and I shared while Owen’s body is somewhere, cold and alone and gone?
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry. I loved him too.”
