Once I came to the school, there wasn’t a choice.
I had been registered as a man, and a man was how I had to stay.
But for the first time in several years, I had the option.
"I'm okay with anything," I said, but even as I said the words, I realized I wanted to express the power of my choice. "But I would like it if you referred to me as a woman and used the terms she and her at least for a little bit. I want to see how it feels. I reserve the right to change my mind."
Durom had stood again and walked over to one of the blank rock walls, and he looked back over at me, and a thread of nervousness rose up in me. I hadn't asked anyone to change how they spoke about me in a long time, and Durom was a monster.It was such a trivial thing, yet it mattered to me. What if it upset him or made him angry, like it had my parents?
"My mate deserves what will make her happy," he said.
That small tension of fear of his reaction relaxed, melting away in the face of his acceptance. Yet, at the same time, he was still making an assumption. If this were the school, and he was one of the Barons, I would have kept my mouth shut and just gone along with it. But I already felt safer with this minotaur than I had with any of the Barons, and in that safety, I felt comfortable enough to push back.
"I haven't agreed to be your mate yet," I said.
"Yet," he said with a smile. Then he knocked once on the wall with his knuckles.
"I greet the rocks who carry the blessing of Chaos," he said. "Inform the Dungeon, I have a non-urgent request."
He tilted his head, just a little bit, as if he were listening to something.
I opened my mouth to ask if he was really talking to rocks, but closed it before the question escaped. I'd just confessed to him the very thing that would have gotten me killed at the school, and all he had to say was to ask how I wanted to be addressed and insist I should be able to dress the way I wanted.
I didn't need to question if he thought he could talk to rocks.
There were a few more moments of silence, as if Durom was waiting for something.
Then I felt it.
The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and my breath caught in my throat. My heart started to pound, and I looked around, trying to see the tiger hiding in the brush, the predator that had snuck up behind me that was preparing to pounce. There was something terrifying, something dangerous, and it was looking at me. Even the vines on the far wall were twitching, as if they sensed something close by.
And I didn't know what or where it was.
"Gratitude for the attention," Durom said to the wall. "This mundane has my mate scent. She has been trapped with a lack of choice in what she could wear. I know this is a trivial matter to one so great as you, but it is important to me, and I will do what is necessary to balance this request. Please provide my mate with outfits to choose from."
"Who are you talking to?" I hissed, looking all around for the presence that made my skin crawl.
"What is it in those rules they teach you?" Durom asked, tilting his head to the side. "Rule one! That is it."
Rule one, the Dungeon provides because it wants you to die.
It will provide loot, food, and water, all to lure a group deeper and deeper to where the more dangerous monsters lived, where the traps were new and unknown.
I had gotten too relaxed with Durom, with how easy he was in here.
I'd forgotten the Dungeon wanted to eat me.
Except... that was just what they tried to teach me.
I learned a lot at the Order Academy. I learned to round my shoulders and hold my tongue. Honesty was held in the back of my throat, where it could choke me if I let it slip free, so I folded parts of myself small and kept them hidden behind the costume that had once upon a time felt like freedom.
I learned not to trust men who mistook control for virtue.
I watched polished boots break ribs in and out of the training ground, and I kept space between their laughter and my light. I had learned to look for my exits, to blend into the background, to stay quiet.
I learned that education was power, and it would not be given by those who needed ignorance to oppress. Knowledge had to be sought, had to be taken, and every step I took in expanding my mind was another step towards freeing myself.
They taught the Proper Order of things.
