Darcy glanced towards the window, where Fitzwilliam could just be heard protesting that pirates ought not to bite. "I am afraid my cousin has never been able to resist a little harmless nonsense. Indeed, I suspect he would be deeply disappointed if anybody expected him to behave sensibly for very long."
Mrs Gardiner laughed softly. "Then I fear we shall soon have to apologise to his commanding officer. He will return to his regiment with a permanent injury to his dignity."
"Richard has never placed a very high value upon his dignity," Darcy replied. "It has always been one of the easier sacrifices."
Elizabeth looked up at him, amusement brightening her eyes. "You speak as though this were an old and familiar complaint."
"It is. When we were boys he once persuaded me that we should attempt to sail across the lake at Pemberley upon an old door."
Elizabeth laughed outright. "You cannot expect me to believe that."
"It was entirely his idea."
"And yet I notice you omit the most important detail."
"Which is?"
"Did it float?"
Darcy maintained a perfectly solemn expression. "For a very short distance."
Even Mr Gardiner lowered his newspaper to laugh at that, whilst Mrs Gardiner shook her head and observed that she had long suspected gentlemen enjoyed remarkably little improvement between the ages of ten and thirty.
Before Darcy could defend his sex, the front knocker sounded with such force that every conversation in the room came abruptly to an end. Mr Gardiner looked towards the hall. "Whatever manner of beast that may be," he said, "I hope Simmons survives the encounter."
A moment later there came the hurried sound of Simmons crossing the hall, followed by several voices speaking at once, one of them unmistakably Mrs Bennet's and already rising in agitation. Elizabeth had only just begun to stand when the drawing-room door opened and Simmons appeared looking as if his domestic authority had been severely tested.
"Mr and Mrs Bennet, Miss Bennet and Mr Bingley."
He had scarcely finished the announcement before Mrs Bennet swept past him.
"Lizzy!"
Elizabeth found herself embraced, shaken, inspected and embraced again in such rapid succession that she had no opportunity to speak. Mrs Bennet held her at arm's length, looked her up and down with all the tragic intensity of a mother discovering her child returned from war and cried, "Oh, my poor girl! My poor, poor girl! You are pale. Jane, look at her. She is positively wasted away."
"I am very well, Mama," Elizabeth said, though the words were muffled by another embrace.
"You are not. I know what well looks like, and this is not it. Mrs Gardiner, how could you allow her to become so thin?"
Mrs Gardiner rose with admirable calm. "I assure you, sister, Lizzy has eaten very heartily during her stay."
"Then she has suffered internally," declared Mrs Bennet. "I always said travelling was dangerous. Nobody listens to me, but I have always said it."
Jane came forward then, her face full of anxiety and apology. Elizabeth saw at once that she had been crying, and whatever amusement she might have felt vanished.
"Jane?"
Jane embraced her tightly. "Oh, Lizzy, I am so sorry."
"For what?"
Before Jane could answer, Mr Bennet entered at a far more leisurely pace than the rest of his party. He removed his gloves, looked about the room and took in the whole scene: Mrs Bennet flapping over Elizabeth, Jane pale and distressed, Bingley hovering near the door with the air of a man prepared to apologise to every person present and Darcy standing very still beside the window.
"Well," said Mr Bennet. "This appears to be a very full house."
Darcy bowed at once. "Mr Bennet."
"Mr Darcy."
