Her eyebrows raise, as if she hadn’t considered that. Amy lets out a low breath and runs a hand through her hair. I can’t help but pause to notice how pretty she is, still in her white sundress. “I…guess I can understand that. I know it does feel like a rehashing of things, but…you have to understand after a lifetime of having people treating me like an obligation, a few months aren’t enough to fix all that. A lot of trust has been built, but I guess…not enough to fix me.”
“Fix you?” I scoff and shake my head. I cup her cheeks, making sure she’s looking at me. “There’s nothing to fix. What we have here is just…a bit of a misunderstanding.”
Her eyes search mine. “What do you mean?”
My thumbs caress the apples of her cheeks. “You struggle to believe anyone would love you without you being useful. You struggle to trust love when it’s presented to you freely. But me?I struggle to express that love. It feels unsafe and too vulnerable. Obsession? Fine. That doesn’t feel as scary. But I hid even that for a while with you. Love, however? That’s a different thing entirely, leannán.”
I can see the understanding dawn in her eyes. She nods. “Well, aren’t we a pair, then?”
I chuckle and lean down to kiss her forehead. “That we are. Now, get on the bed.”
“On the bed?” Her eyebrows raise.
I nod. “You heard me. I’m going to take care of you properly, without anything in return, and we’re going to be doing this until you understand that pleasure in our marriage bed is never something that’s obligated, from either of us. Iwantto please you, no strings attached, and you’re allowed to receive pleasure without needing to reciprocate. I’m going to please you until you’re tired, and then we’re going to go right to sleep. Understood?”
I can tell she’s struggling to believe it, to accept this is really what I want. Or maybe the concept makes her outright uncomfortable in and of itself, after years of being told that she needs to be useful in order to be loved.
Good. It might be uncomfortable for a bit until she unlearns it.
She lets out a low exhale and nods. “All right, Kerry. I trust you.”
22
Amy
Kerry is a man who always knows what he wants and goes for it like a ruthless bulldog.
Which is why the whole thing confuses me so much. By all of my understanding of the world, heshouldn’t want this.It does nothing for him. I’m the only one getting pleasure. It just…doesn’t make any sense.
His heated gaze follows me everywhere as I get ready for bed, per his insistence, something he thought of just before I got on the bed. His voice had been nearly panicked as he told me to stop. He wants to make sure I’m good and tired by the time he’s done with me, too tired to get ready for bed afterwards.
My entire body already feels hot just from the thought.
But there’s still a wriggling, nagging feeling in the back of my head. Uncomfortable is putting it mildly. There’s something about this that feels…wrong. Not that Kerry’s doing anything wrong, but thatI’mdoing something immoral by accepting this.
Brushing my teeth has never felt so intense as Kerry stands behind me, leaning against the wall next to the shower, watching me in the mirror. As soon as I finish, I go to the closet and grab some pajamas. “Are you going to watch me change, too?” I ask teasingly.
“No,” Kerry replies gruffly, his serious expression unchanging. “Because you won’t be getting into them. Not for a bit.”
I barely have time to process his words before he’s charging across the bathroom and lifts me under my arms, carrying me into the bedroom before tossing me onto the bed. All of the air rushes out of my lungs, and I look up at him in wonder. A growl leaves his throat as he crawls over me.
Kerry brushes my cheek with the back of his hand. “My precious leannán. I know that once you realize how wonderful you are and how much I love you, you’ll be unstoppable.”
If all of the air wasn’t already knocked from my lungs, his words would’ve done the job. I don’t even have a chance to respond before he’s tugging on the straps of my sundress. “May I take this off, leannán? Will you let me take care of you?”
I nod and sit up. His touch is as gentle as a dove as he unzips the dress from the back, fingers gliding across my skin like he has all the time in the world. Meanwhile, I’m already burning up from just these light touches.
Yet again, I acknowledge that this man knows exactly what he’s doing. He does not rushing, but an excited hunger burns in his eyes. His eyes set the entire mood more than candles and soft music ever could, the knowledge that he’s entirely focused on me, ready to do whatever it takes to bring me pleasure and satisfy me.
His fingers glide down, sliding my dress off inch by torturous inch. His lips find my skin, tracing a path downwards as he reveals new skin. It’s like his mouth is chasing the fabric of my dress, staying just above it as he pulls it down.
By the time the dress pools around my ankles and he tosses it away, he’s kissed a straight line down my chest, dotting each hip, before making a zig-zag path down both of my legs. Only a minute passes since he started, but it’s feels like the longestminute of my life. I hold my breath almost the entire time without even realizing it, and only exhale once the fabric hits the floor.
He crawls back up my body with a wicked smirk and a gleam in his eye, and my throat constricts. He’s barely even started and I’m already soaked for him. Based on his expression, I’m guessing he knows it.
“You’re beautiful, Amy. My perfect fairy of light.” He kisses my neck as his hands skim under my back, tracing the small of it up to my bra strap. I lift up enough to let him unlatch my bra, and a harsh exhale leaves him as he pulls it off. “The most gorgeous girl I’ve ever seen. I chose you, years ago, and I’ll keep choosing you for the rest of my life.”
There’s still a part of me that’s aware that his obsession with me should concern me, but it doesn’t. I’m relieved. Because he’s right, he has been consistently dedicated to me, even when I didn’t know it, for years. And that strangely soothes the part of me that fears abandonment.
