"I'm sorry," I whispered, the words feeling wholly inadequate.
"Don't be. You didn't do it."
His eyes drifted to where his arm still lay across my stomach. Slowly, he withdrew it, creating space between us on the narrow bed.
"I didn't mean to fall asleep," I said.
"Neither did I." A ghost of a smile crossed his lips. "So much for taking shifts."
The wailing of the denizens had stopped, I realized. The ship was silent around us, the only sound was our quiet breathing. "Are they gone?"
Cypher sat up, running a hand through his tousled hair. "For now."
He reached for his shirt, which he'd apparently draped over the headboard of the bed. As he pulled it on, I caught a final glimpse of those silver scars.
"Do they all look like that?" I asked. "The other Nytherians from the Dredge?"
He paused, halfway through pulling it down. "The ones who survived, yes."
"Do any of them still have magic like yours?"
"A few who had strong magic, yes. Most lost their abilities completely. The dampeners and the drugs... they weren't meant to be used long-term. They damaged something fundamental in us."
I sat up, suddenly unable to remain lying beside him. The narrow bed forced us into an intimacy that confused my already chaotic emotions.
"Do you regret it?" Cypher asked suddenly.
"Regret what?"
"Any of it. Kissing me. Whatever was starting between us before I—" He stopped, unable to finish the sentence.
I swallowed thickly. "That's cruel, even for you."
"I'm not trying to be cruel. I just need to know."
"Why? So you can manipulate me more effectively next time?" The words lashed out before I could stop them. "How am I supposed to answer that when I have no idea when you might betray me again? When the next lie is coming?"
“Scavenger—”
"No." I stood up, needing distance. "You don't get to ask me that. You don't get to act like what we started was real when you were calculating every touch, every kiss, every moment to keep me under your thumb."
"That's not how it was."
"I've never felt anything like what I felt for you!" I spat, and he paused, his whole body tensing. "And I fuckinghateyou for breaking my heart before I could even have the chance to give it to you properly."
Cypher stared at me, his eyes blazing in the blue crystal light. It felt too raw, too vulnerable to be telling him any of this. It wasn't fair.
"My feelings for you were never part of the lie," he said finally. "I tried to ignore them. Tried not to watch you when you weren't looking. I couldn't afford to let feelings get in the way of my mission. My people needed me to stay focused."
"More lies," I spat, but there was no conviction in it.
"No." He moved toward me, once again reminding me of how large he was, enough that I had to tilt my head back to meet his eyes. "That's the only truth I'veeverbeen certain of."
Before I could respond, his hands were on my face, fingers tangling in my hair as he pulled me to him. His mouth crashed against mine, hard. I should have pushed him away. Should have slapped him. Should have done anything but what I did. Instead, I kissed him back, my hands fisting in his shirt, pulling him closer. Our teeth clashed, the kiss more violence than tenderness.
Something came over me then. I tore at his shirt, needing to feel skin, to mark him somehow. He responded in kind, his hands rough as they pushed beneath my top, fingers digging into my waist.
"This means nothing," I gasped against his mouth as he lifted me, my legs wrapping around his waist. "I can't trust you."
