He shook his head and saw the beginnings of the disappointment and disapproval he had anticipated.
“You can’t fix everything, Cecily,” he stated preemptively, his tongue still loosened by wine. “Some things simply are as they are. Maybe I’m just not cut out to be a good father or a good husband. All I do is keep failing everyone.”
The hurt on her face troubled him almost as much as Lilian’s attitude. He hated to see his wife and daughter look at him like that. It was not what he wanted.
But what did he want?
He wanted smiles, welcome, and something else he couldn’t quite name.
The hurt on Cecily’s face lasted for a few moments before her expression hardened. “Well then, we both know where we are, don’t we?” she said with stiff politeness, before walking away down the stairs without a backward glance.
CHAPTER 26
“We don’t have to stay very long,” Cecily told her husband as their carriage rolled along the London streets toward Caruthers House in Mayfair. “I know you are not fond of social events.”
She glanced briefly at his dark features from where she sat opposite, as far away as she could get.
“I can endure a charity ball for a good cause,” he assured her in a neutral tone. “Lady Caruthers does a great deal for the new children’s hospital. That is worth a small amount of boredom and annoyance.”
“Yes,” she agreed tersely and then fell silent again.
They had been cold and distant toward each other for days, ever since Nathaniel had failed to show up for Lilian’s recital.
The mood between them saddened Cecily, especially after that special moment they had shared in the kitchens while kneading bread together. At the same time, her heart still burned with indignation and disappointment on Lilian’s behalf.
How would it end for them? Nathaniel clearly did not understand how to apologize, or maybe even what to apologize for, and she was not ready to forgive him yet. At the same time, she knew he was not a bad man and that he loved his daughter.
At Caruthers House, coats and hats were discarded in the cloakroom before they proceeded to the receiving line to greet their hosts, the Marquess and Marchioness of Caruthers.
Cecily glanced at her husband. In a well-fitting dark suit, blue silk waistcoat, and neatly pinned white stock, his appearance matched his rank. She was also glad that she and Gertie had fussed over her dress tonight. In a low-cut white silk with golden embroidery and her mother’s pearls, she was a more than adequate complement to her handsome husband.
“I must congratulate you both on your marriage,” Lady Caruthers told them with a smile after pleasantries had been exchanged. “If domestic responsibilities allow, Your Grace, I should like to invite Her Grace to sit on the charity board of the children’s hospital. We presently have a vacancy, and I have heard of your interest in such works.”
“Her Grace may do as she sees fit,” Nathaniel had answered with a shrug and indifferent smile, leaving this entirely in Cecily’s hands.
“I would be happy to join you, My Lady,” Cecily answered politely.
It felt strange to her to be congratulated on their marriage. While the ceremony had been only weeks ago, it already felt like the distant past, or perhaps like something that had never happened at all.
With an uncomfortable twinge, she reflected on the fact that Nathaniel had not yet taken her to his bed. Or taken her anywhere else, for that matter. Would things never settle between them?
As they moved into the reception room, the Duke of Mildenhall greeted them both with more smiles and jarring congratulations.
“May I borrow your husband for a few minutes, Duchess? I promise I shall return him in very little time.”
Cecily smiled back and tried to answer as casually as Nathaniel had done only moments ago. “Of course. I shall be here by the refreshments table.”
She had no desire to proceed alone into the ballroom, or at all, if she were being honest. How would they even dance together tonight with such a cold, impassable distance between them? She found it hard even to look him in the eye at the moment, afraid both of the desire that it might spark and the disappointment that must follow.
Taking up a flute of champagne, she sipped at it absently and looked around at the other guests, recognizing some, although they were hardly more than acquaintances.
“Your Grace, I would like to wish you joy in your marriage,” said a woman’s voice. “I wish you luck, too. You will need it.”
Cecily turned her head to see a striking blonde woman standing beside her, a smile playing on her lips as she looked at her. Wearing a pale blue satin gown, with a diamond and sapphire pendant resting against her chest, she looked somewhat familiar, though Cecily could not quite place her.
“Thank you,” she said as the woman dropped into a small curtsy, reminding her again of her new rank. “You are very kind. I do not believe we have met before, although you have the advantage of me.”
“Lady Mountingdon,” the woman introduced herself. “You may call me Lucinda.”
