Her face goes slack, eyes filled with barely contained joy. ‘Tiago?—’
I hold my hands up. ‘Woah, slow down. I said no.’
‘What?!’
I’m not too proud to say knowing she prefers men at the top of their field was a consideration, but I couldn’t do it to my team. JC, Isa and I had a long conversation about it – JC thought I was an idiot; Isa was proud of my loyalty – and I can make a bigger difference at Leone.
I’m not totally giving up fighting for the Championship. I really think we have the skills and drive to get there – maybe the year after next. We wouldn’t be the first development team to do it, but we’d make the best story. No points for three years to suddenly rivalling our parent team. Maybe Jules can get us a feature inPeople Magazine.
As for Volare, I realised I liked the idea of them more than the team itself. Everything Jules said was true – they never valued me, and why would I want to drive for a constructor who I’m hoping Leone will knock to number six in Brazil next week?
‘Leone bet on me when no one else would. They’re finally coming into their own, and what kind of driver would I be if I left them now? What kind ofperson?’
A smile plays on her lips. ‘You’re amazing.’
Hope fills me like a balloon but I crush it. She’s just being a good friend. ‘Plus my dad and his buddies are going to invest.’
Her eyebrows fly up.
‘A smart person once told me to not make decisions based on blanket rules I set for myself years ago,’ I parrot back to her, and her eyes soften. ‘This sport’s full of nepo babies, and I know I got to where I am on my own merit. Leone have all the expertise, they just need a cash injection, and I know where to get one.’
She hits my chest with the back of her hand. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘You had your own shit going on.’
‘You still should’ve. This is important.’
‘Next time,’ I say. ‘I couldn’t have done it without you.’
She nudges my chest with her shoulder and I feel it all over. ‘Back at you.’
I want to kiss her so much it’s making me light-headed.
This is starting to feel like the last time, and panic burns hot inside me. Minutes, days, weeks are slipping through my fingers and I want to grip on with everything I have. We haven’t had enough – enough kisses, enough touches, enough secrets, enough jokes, enough stories, enough memories. My body has tuned itself to fit her. I don’t think it’s possible to get hard for someone else.
Next year, she’ll be with another athlete, reliving the same pattern. Maybe she’ll sleep with them, maybe she won’t, but imagining her riding some other dude isn’t what makes my stomach turn the most. What if he’s another Damian? What if he hurts her? What if he falls for her hard exterior, and can’t be bothered to look for the sweet, sensitive, sincere woman underneath? I might be a risk-taker, but some things are simply too precious to risk.
‘I’m so in love with you Jules,’ I hear myself say. I didn’t plan this, and frankly I’ve surprised myself, but nothing has ever felt more true. It’s a shot in the dark, and if it backfires and Jules never wants to speak to me again, I won’t regret her knowing.
Her lips part. ‘What?’
‘You know I am.’
Her pupils flare and she starts to shrink like a cornered animal. I tell myself my admission’s out of the blue and she has trauma from past relationships. I can’t expect her to leap into my arms. She once said I’m not capable of being monogamous. She’s wrong, and I’m going to prove it to her.
‘Let me be your biggest cheerleader. Let me be your sounding board. Let me remind you how beautiful you are every single day. Let me be the one who flies to you. Let my family be your family. Just let me, Jules, and I’ll do the rest. You deserve that. You spend your life lifting other people up; it’s about time someone lifted you up.’
A single tear streams down her cheek. ‘We’re two alphas. It’d never work.’ She sniffs.
‘What makes you think I’m an alpha where you’re concerned?’
‘You could have anyone,’ she tries again, wiping her face.
I step towards her slowly, and she doesn’t draw away. ‘I don’t want anyone. I want you.’
‘But I’m hard work.’
I drag my thumb over her bottom lip. ‘I’ve never been afraid of a little hard work,’ I whisper.
