“Mm.”
“Sounds like we’re both starting over.”
Seems odd, intimate moments keep happening between us. First cutting his hair, and now lying here with him. Or maybe I’m just overly aware of his presence. Heisa famous person with millions of followers on social media. To be sharing space with him is bizarre. But I also apparently sleepwalked through a relationship for a year, so it’s discombobulating to suddenly be so hyperaware of someone.
“I left just about everything,” he says. “Had the houses shut up.”
“So, you can always go back if you want to. Options are good.”
“I don’t know…I think it would kind of feel like defeat.”
“Sounds like you’re being hard on yourself. But doing this. Stepping back from your career and taking a break, or just living the rest of your life on your own terms, I think that’s brave.”
He grunts.
“To be honest, I don’t really want to go back either.”
“Is that because of the ex?”
“Sort of.”
And he just waits.
“You know when things seem fine?” I ask. “Daily life is happening and it’s okay. You’ve got work and some sort of social life and you’re not drowning in too much debt. When you stop and take a good look though, everything is…I don’t know.”
“Fucky?”
“Yes. That’s a good word for it. It’s just not great,” I say. “I know there are ups and downs and everyday stuff has to happen. But I honestly can’t remember the last time there was a high.”
“We’re not talking about drugs?”
“We’re not. Why did you choose here as your starting point for this new life?”
He thinks it over for a moment. “Because I trust Audrey. And I missed her. What about you?”
“I liked the idea of having a functioning relationship with a member of my family.”
“You’re not close with your parents?”
I shake my head. “There’s just my mom and no.”
He waits for me to say more. Which is a problem because I don’t know what to say. We’re in deep water with these topics. There’s also a small chance I searched him online earlier, and found heaps of shots of him performing with a guitar in hand and a western-style hat on his head. Interviews discussing his music with the occasional quip about his life and loves.
There wasn’t much about his family. But there were any number of photos of him with other famous types and the various people he’s dated. The bulk of whom were statuesque blondes with sunshine smiles. He has a type, and it’s the exact opposite of me.
The man has also achieved way more in life than me, which is sort of daunting.
“Audrey used to give me updates,” he says eventually. “Tell me what you were doing in Phoenix. What music you’d been listening to and bands you’d been to see. And how when I camethrough town, you never had time to come see me play for some reason.”
“Oh my god.”
“One time, Audrey said you had to wash your hair instead. I don’t know if you had hair down to the floor then. I mean, it goes halfway down your back now. Sure. But that still shouldn’t take you all night.”
“Hygiene is just really important to me, man.”
“Okay,” he says. “This other time, I said to Audrey, tell her you won some VIP tickets to Coachella so you two can—”
“Holy shit. That was you!”
