Clarice shook her head. “It can’t be that. He’s got more than enough money of his own.”
“Really?” For the first time, Natalia actually considered the Russian. “Do you think it’s possible he might want me for myself?”
“How could he? He doesn’t even know you. He has no idea what kind of woman you’ve become.”
Natalia blinked and tried to hold back a sudden rush of tears. Clarice had a point, but that didn’t stop the disappointment. Was it too much to ask, that someone might love her for something besides that bloody money?
“Oh, Natalia. You’re being so dramatic.” Despite her harsh words, Clarice leaned forward and squeezed Natalia’s hand. “Quit feeling sorry for yourself because you’re an heiress. I was one, too, you know. But unlike you, I always considered my dowry a blessing.”
“A blessing?” Natalia gave an unladylike snort. “Didn’t you ever find that the money defined you, kept everyone from seeing who you truly were?”
“No, I never felt that way.” Clarice met Natalia’s gaze sadly. “You’re the only person I’ve ever met who put such a low value on what you have to offer. Why is that, do you think? What happened to make you think no one could ever love you for yourself?”
Clarice’s words made Natalia wonder that herself. When had she started thinking no one would ever want her for anything except her fortune?
“I suppose it must’ve been in school. The other girls were so cruel. There was one… Amelia Lansdowne. She told me it didn’t matter what I looked like. She said I could be the ugliest girl in the world—implied I was—and all the men would still want to marry me.”
“Amelia Lansdowne?” Clarice shook her head and gave a small incredulous laugh. “Whatever made you listen to anything that little cat had to say? Surely, you realize she was just jealous?”
Natalia flinched. Clarice had managed to make her worst fears seem so ridiculous. “My father has never loved me. All my life, he’s made it clear he wishes I’d been a boy. He wants an heir more than anything.”
“Nonsense. The duke loves you a great deal. He’s just not very good at showing it.” Clarice’s voice filled with disdainful challenge. “You’ll have to do better than this, darling. So far, all you’ve done is make me wonder whyIlike you so much.”
Natalia sank back in her chair, feeling as though she been slapped. “Do I really sound that pathetic?”
“You have a family who loves you. You’re smart. You’re witty. You have such luminous unusual beauty.” Clarice ticked off each point on her fingers as she went. “Yet all you can do is whine about how unfair it is that your father is giving you a half-a-million-pound dowry.”
Well, when you look at it that way…
“I suppose I have acted a little bit ungrateful,” Natalia conceded, shamed.
“I’m not trying to hurt you.” Clarice squeezed her hand. “I’m just trying to show you there’s far more to you than you think.”
Natalia leaned forward and hugged her stepmother tightly. “You’re such a good friend. I understand what you’re trying to do, and I appreciate it. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
“I just want you to be happy.” Clarice hugged her in return and then pulled back. Unshed tears filled her bright eyes, but she managed a smile. “I went to see your Captain Blake today.”
“You did?” Natalia stared at Clarice in stunned surprise, all her previous defensiveness rushing back. “Why on earth did you do that?”
“I wanted a chance to talk to him myself. To see if he truly cared for you, or if you are right, and it was only the money that interested him.”
“What did you decide?” Natalia feared the answer. Had Clarice been preparing her for bad news?
A mysterious smile played at the corner of Clarice’s mouth. With a sinking heart, Natalia realized Dylan had managed to charm her stepmother. “The man is a wreck. He looks as though he hasn’t slept in days. He’s been drinking heavily, and the first thing he did was beg me to tell you he never meant to hurt you. He said, ‘Tell her when I kissed her, I wasn’t even thinking about that infernal bet.’”
Natalia closed her eyes, overwhelmed by the picture Clarice painted. She wanted to believe Dylan was devastated about losing her. She wanted to believe it more than she’d ever wanted anything in her life.
Clarice stood and brushed her fingertips lightly over Natalia’s cheek. “I’ll leave you alone. I know you have a lot to think about.”
By the time Natalia opened her eyes, Clarice had reached the door. “Wait,” she called, almost frantically. “What would you do, Clarice? What would you do if you were me?”
“I’d marry the man I loved.” Clarice gave her a gentle smile. “And then I’d do everything in my power to make him love me in return.”
Long after Clarice left, Natalia stared into the dying flames in the grate. Until tonight, she’d always thought of herself as an unselfish and caring person. But Clarice had shown her another side of herself, and she hated what she’d seen. She had a lot of growing up to do, a lot of things to learn.
How could she expect any man to love her, when she didn’t even love herself?
* * *
