“It’s not wrong to be impulsive and passionate. Do you think you’re the only girl who ever stole away from a party to kiss a man in the dark?”
“Perhaps not. But I should have known better.”
He raked his hand through his hair and laughed. “I should have known better, too. I should’ve walked away the moment I realized Michael wanted you.”
“But you couldn’t.” She broke eye contact and sank back against the velvet seat, staring out the window at the passing scenery. “You had your precious wager to think about.”
He’d known this was coming, sooner or later. Perhaps it was better to have the wound out in the open, where the blister could be lanced. They’d already let things fester and boil beneath the surface for too long.
“I never meant to hurt you.” He wanted to reach out to her, hold her the way she’d held him. He wanted to show her he could offer comfort as well as passion.
“What did you think would happen? You knew I’d find out. You didn’t even try to keep it a secret.” Her anger was a vast improvement over the bitter resignation.
“The gamble seemed harmless enough at the time. I only had to dance with you a few times. Nothing that would harm your reputation. I planned to collect my winnings and never look back. But then I met you, and I knew I couldn’t do it. I wanted far more than that.”
“Why?” She held his gaze, her green eyes filled with reproach. “I’ve heard the rumors. I know about all your conquests. No woman has ever captured your attention for more than a moment or two. All you wanted was my dowry.”
“No,” he murmured. “You sell yourself short.”
“Admit it,” Natalia insisted. “In a few weeks, you’ll want someone else, and I’ll be nothing but a burden to you.”
He shook his head and prayed she was wrong. He needed this marriage to work. The alternative—an endless, empty future—was too awful to contemplate. He couldn’t bear to go back to the way things had been. He needed his life to have some meaning.
For better or worse, she was it.
“Despite the circumstances, I didn’t take our wedding vows lightly. I won’t look elsewhere. Not unless you intend to shut me out completely.” He met her gaze head-on. “Do you?”
She blushed and closed her eyes. “No. I didn’t take those vows lightly either.”
“Good.” He sighed and tried to relax. The entire conversation had taken much more energy than he’d expected, but there was still one more thing he wanted her to know. “I knew you were different the moment we met. When you looked into my eyes and really saw me. Not the hero my father wanted on display for his parties. Not the fearless captain my men looked up to, but the real me. The one no one else had ever tried to see before.”
She gave him a wistful smile. Then she crossed the aisle in a swish of silk skirts and sat beside him. Threading her fingers through his, she stared deep into his eyes. “Show me that man again. I miss him.”
“I will.” Her generosity stunned him. He knew how much it cost her to move those few feet.
They passed the next few hours in silence, watching the scenery pass, but she never took her hand away.
He held on tight. As far as meaningful conversations went, this had definitely been a good beginning.
* * *
By the time they reached the inn, Natalia was dripping with exhaustion. Although Basingstoke’s coach was well sprung, the road had been rough. Her entire body ached from the jarring ride.
Dylan went inside to procure them some rooms while she remained in the coach. She needed a few moments alone to gather her thoughts. The hours spent holding his hand in companionable silence had rattled her far more than she wanted to admit.
After an entire day in such close quarters, she should’ve gotten used to Dylan’s masculine presence. But the constant temptation only made her long for more.
He’d been so sweet this afternoon, and he’d broken through her defenses with astonishing efficiency. Perhaps it was the captain in him. Perhaps she was merely another battle to be won. No matter how cynically she tried to look at the matter, she had to admit he’d done and said all the right things. And this was their wedding night.
Dear God, she needed a little more time.
He returned a few moments later, opened the coach door, and smiled up at her. “Are you ready?”
She nodded, but her entire soul cried, “No!”
She wasn’t ready. She’d never be able to maintain the proper distance. Once he kissed her, she’d be lost.
With every passing moment, she fell more deeply in love with him. When he walked away from her this time, it would be lethal.
