She didn’t want to live in fear of what might have been. Life was too precious not to live each day to the fullest. So, she would trust in him, believe in herself, and see where it took them.
* * *
Dylan awoke in pitch dark. His heart raced, and sweat drenched his entire body.
“What’s wrong?” Natalia’s soft voice startled him. It took a moment to realize where he was.
He’d fallen asleep, in Natalia’s bed, after an amazing night of lovemaking.
“I’m all right. I just had a bad dream.”
Natalia drew herself up on one elbow beside him and brushed the damp hair off his forehead. “You’re trembling.” He could barely see her face in the dark, but he could sense her concern.
“Don’t worry.” He reached over and lit the candle with unsteady hands, desperate to chase away the dark. “Go back to sleep.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” She shifted closer and stroked his brow with her soft, cool hands. “Were you dreaming of the war?”
He supposed it would be impossible to live with her, to sleep in her bed every night, and not expose her to his nightmares. Still, his weakness embarrassed him, made him want to snap at her and flee. But that would ruin the closeness the night had brought, so he took a few calming breaths and tried to relax.
“No, this one wasn’t about the war.” He sighed and reached for her free hand, needing something to hold onto. This nightmare dated from his childhood, but it had been years since this particular vision of hell had come to haunt him. He’d hoped never to experience it again. The blood and guts of the Crimea didn’t terrify him nearly as much as this silly childhood terror. He supposed it made sense he’d have it here, during his first night back at Aldabaran.
“Tell me about it. I want to know everything about you. Especially the things that hurt you.”
He tried to remember why this particular dream had frightened him so badly as a child. More importantly, why did it still have the power to frighten him now?
“I’m here, at Aldabaran,” he began. “There’s a bad storm brewing at sea.” With a groan, he leveraged himself to a sitting position. “I don’t want to tell you this. It sounds ridiculous.”
“I won’t laugh,” she told him solemnly. “I promise.”
He snaked one arm around her hips and gave her a sharp tug so she fell across him, straddling his thighs. “Let me make love to you again.” He buried his face between her bare breasts, trying to distract her. “That will make me forget all about it.”
She gave a breathless laugh as he stirred to life beneath her. “All right,” she agreed. “But first, tell me about the dream.”
Her nipples were already hard. He stroked one with his tongue. God, she was so sweet. He could make love to her every night for the rest of his life, and it still wouldn’t be enough.
Her breath caught, and she threaded her fingers through his hair. “I know what you’re trying to do,” she whispered, shifting against him. “And it’s working.”
“Good.” He rolled his hips, and she gasped and clung to his shoulders. This was much better. The nightmare was fading already.
“No, it isn’t good.” She tilted his head, so he had to look at her. “I love making love to you. But I want there to be more between us than that. I want you to take me into your confidence. I want you to tell me things you’ve never told anyone else and trust me to guard your secrets after you do.”
“I already have. I already do.”
“Then tell me this. Rob it of its power to haunt you.”
He sighed. In truth, he supposed he did want to tell her. This closeness she spoke of—the sharing of secrets—he craved it even more than the ecstasy of being inside her.
And he knew then that he loved her. He’d loved her all along.
“I’m standing at the edge of the cliffs.” His voice grew husky with his new knowledge. “Rain is pouring down my face, and lightning is flashing across the breakers crashing on the beach far below.”
Natalia ran a soothing caress over his shoulders as he spoke.
“Then, out of the corner of my eye, I see a man come toward me out of the darkness.” He shuddered and bowed his head. How could she fail to think less of him after hearing such a cowardly tale?
“Who is this man? Does he have a face?”
Her question gave him pause. He tried to think, tried to conjure the man’s image in his mind, but something inside him shied away from taming his demons.
