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I lost my edge." She looked over at him then, unflinching. "There was a car accident four years ago. My husband and my six-year-old daughter were both killed, but somehow I survived."
Brock nodded faintly. "I know. I'm sorry for your loss."
His sympathy seemed to fluster her somewhat, as though she wasn't quite sure what to do with it. Maybe it would have been easier for her to talk about the tragedy on her own terms, without the knowledge that he'd already been privy to the information. Now she looked at him uncertainly, as though she feared he would judge her in some way. "I ... struggled to accept that Mitch and Libby were gone. For a long time--even now--it's hard to know how I'm supposed to move on."
"You live," Brock said. "That's all you can do."
She nodded, but there was a hauntedness to her eyes. "You make it sound easy."
"Not easy, necessary." He watched her pick idly at a broken staple on one of the reports. "Is that why you resigned from law enforcement, because you didn't know how to live after the accident?"
Staring at the cluttered table space in front of her, she frowned, silent for a long moment. "I quit because I couldn't perform my duties anymore.
Every time I had to report for a traffic violation, even a fender bender or a blown tire, I would be shaking so badly by the time I reached the scene, I could hardly get out of my vehicle to offer help. And the truly awful calls, the serious accidents or the domestic disturbances that often ended in violence, left me sick to my stomach for days afterward. Everything I'd learned in training and on the job had been shattered when that tractor trailer full of timber crossed the icy highway and plowed into my life." She glanced over at him then, her green-brown gaze as tenacious and unflinching as he'd ever seen it. "I quit being a cop because I knew I couldn't do my job the way it needed to be done. I didn't want anyone who relied on me to possibly pay for my negligence. So, I resigned."
Brock had respected Jenna's courage and resilience from the moment he first laid eyes on her. Now the meter on his opinion of her had just climbed up another notch or ten. "You cared about your work and the people who depended on you. That's not a sign of weakness. That's strength. And you obviously had a great deal of love for your job. I think you still do."
Why that simple observation should strike a nerve in her, he didn't know, but he'd have to be blind to miss the flare of defensiveness that sparked in her eyes. She glanced away as though realizing her slip, and when she spoke, there was no anger in her voice. Only a flat sort of resignation.
"You know a lot about me, huh? I guess there isn't much that you and the Order don't know by now."
"Alex gave us the basics," he admitted. "After what happened in Alaska, there were things we needed to know."
She grunted. "You mean, after I started talking alien gibberish in my sleep and became the unwilling ward of the Order."
"Yeah," he said, remaining seated as she stood up and walked away from him, arms crossed over her breasts. He noticed she'd completely given up the cane Tess and Gideon had prescribed for her, and her injured leg put only a mild limp in her step. "I see your gunshot wound must be healing up all right."
"It's much better." She tossed him a vague nod over her shoulder.
"Actually, it didn't seem that serious to begin with."
Brock inclined his head as though he agreed, but he recalled all too clearly just how serious the gunshot had been. If she was healing at an accelerated rate, he guessed the DNA replications Gideon had discovered might have something to do with that. "I'm glad you're feeling better," he said, thinking she probably didn't need any reminders about the unknown matter that was integrating with her body.
Her gaze lingered on him, softening. "Thank you for what you did for me last night--coming to find me, and getting me out of that awful place. I think you saved my life. I know you did, Brock."
"No problem."
God, he hoped she would never learn the details of just how savagely he'd dealt with her assailants. She wouldn't be thanking him if she'd seen him in action that night, or if she'd witnessed the vicious way he'd slaked both his bloodthirst and his fury on the pair of lowlife humans. If Jenna knew what he was capable of, she'd no doubt view him in the same way she did the Ancient who'd attacked her.
He didn't know why that should bother him like it did. He didn't want her to equate him to a monster, at least not so long as he was tasked with watching over her for the Order. She needed to trust him, and as her assigned protector, he needed to make sure that she did. He had a job to do, and he wasn't about to lose sight of his responsibility.
But the issue with Jenna went deeper than that, and he knew it. He just didn't have any intention of dissecting it--now or anytime in the foreseeable future.
He watched her drift toward the wall of maps and charts that documented the Order's pursuit of the Breedmates whom Dragos was suspected to have taken captive. "It's amazing work they're doing," Jenna murmured. "Dylan, Savannah, Renata, Tess ... all of the women I've met here are truly incredible."
"Yeah, they are," Brock agreed. He got up and moved to where Jenna now stood. "The Order has always been a force to be reckoned with, but in the year since I've come on board, I've watched our strength redouble because of the involvement of the females in this compound."
She gave him a look that he found difficult to read.
"What?" he asked.
"Nothing." A brief smile touched her lips as she gave a small shake of her head. "I'm just surprised to hear that, is all. Most of the men I've ever been around in the workplace--hell, even my own father and brother--would have rather eaten their badges than admit they were better off for teaming up with a woman."
"I don't carry a badge," he said, returning her smile. "And I'm not most men."
She laughed softly but didn't turn away from his gaze. "No, no, you're not. Yet you're one of the few here who doesn't have a Breedmate."
He considered the comment, more than a little intrigued that she was curious about him on a personal level. "Business is one thing. Taking a blood-bonded mate is something else. It's a forever kind of deal, and I'm allergic to long-term relationships."
