She was certainly the only person in his entire life who’d ever truly lovedhim.
***
WHEN JANE ARRIVED HOMEfrom the theater, she bid Emma goodnight and then hurried up to the sanctuary of her bedroom. She carefully placed the rose Julian had given her in a vase on her dresser then sank down on her bed and stared at it, overwhelmed with riotous emotion.
How dare he!
For seven years, she’d mourned his loss. She’d watched him across crowded ballrooms as he’d flirted and danced with eligible young ladies without a care in the world. As though he’d never told her that he loved her, that she was his best friend, that he couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life with her. He’d made her promises, then broken them recklessly.
Then tonight, out of the blue, he’d decided to impose upon that old friendship. He’d told her that he was glad she’dreturnedto Society, when she’d never left it. Apparently, he hadn’t been avoiding her at all those balls and soirees, he just hadn’t even noticed that she was there, which was even more insulting! And then, he’d made that stupid silly romantic gesture, gifting her with the rose... and she’d somehow fallen for him all over again. Why did he still have to be so devastatingly handsome? He’d still been a lanky lad in some ways the last time they’d spoken, but now he had the power and grace of a jungle cat. His black hair had gleamed in the candlelight, and she’d wanted to run her fingers through it. His dark eyes still saw too much, holding a deep sadness she wanted to somehow soothe.
I’m such a fool.
She blinked back a rush of tears, furious, confused, and heartsick. How could she still feel something for that notorious womanizer, after everything he’d done to her? She should have refused to make the introductions, given him the cut direct. But she’d needed Emma to meet Lord Sherbourne, so she’d swallowed back the first rush of dismay upon seeing him, only to be taken in by his charm once more.
Now, she had a very bad feeling that Emma and Sherbourne’s courtship would entail that she and Julian would be forced to see each other again. How would she bear it?
She loved Emma, but she hated the dire financial straits that had required her to open her home and call upon all her social contacts to launch the beautiful American into theton.
Ever since her father’s death, she’d managed to hold on to her house and her small staff by being incredibly frugal and making a series of investments with her meager inheritance. But she’d only been able to make it last for so long, and last year, she’d been forced to look for other ways to support herself. Last Season, she’d rented her house out to one of her cousins, who’d allowed her to stay there as well. But she didn’t care for him or his wife, who had been unrelentingly condescending and treated her as though she were an unpaid servant, constantly finding faulting and demanding things be changed.
This spring, Jane had started selling a few of the countless pieces of artwork that graced her home. She’d chosen things she didn’t particularly care for anyway, but she feared the day when she’d be living in an empty shell, every beautiful thing her family had spent generations collecting sold to keep her from having to sell the house itself.
Then she’d received a letter from Emma’s mother, who’d been told that Jane was a lady of spotless reputation and sterling character. She’d begged Jane to launch Emma into society and offered her a staggering amount of money to do so. Enough to keep her finances healthy for another decade, at least. She’d had no choice but to accept the strange proposal.
Despite her spotless reputation, she knew people were looking down their noses at her for her desperate attempts to save herself. Worse yet, they probably feltsorryfor her, which was even more deplorable. She couldn’t stand the thought of anyone pitying her.
If Emma managed to marry Viscount Sherbourne, Jane would probably make it through this for the most part unscathed, because Emma would take her own place in society, and thetonwould have to accept her. But if Emma did anything to bring scandal down upon herself, Jane knew she’d be painted with the same brush.
For that reason, it was incredibly important Emma marry Lord Sherbourne. If that meant that Jane had to deal with Julian Tremaine for the next few months, then she was going to have to find a way to endure it. Surely, he’d soon grow tired of trying to pretend that there was still anything between them.
In fact, the more that she thought about it, the less likely it seemed that he’d continue to put himself in close proximity to her. Shehadto accompany Emma on all her outings, but there was no reason that Julian had to accompany Sherbourne.
Feeling slightly better, she started to undress for bed, forcing herself to put all thoughts of Julian out of her head. She refused to entertain the possibility that tonight had changed anything between them. He’d already broken her heart once.
She’d be the worst kind of fool to give him the chance to do it again.
