There had already been far too much miscommunication between them. Determined not to leave until he got to the bottom of this, he pushed himself to a sitting position and leaned back against the headboard. “What’s wrong, darling?”
She took a deep drink but didn’t turn to face him. “I’m fine. It was... fine.”
“It was a damn sight better than fine,” he growled. “Don’t you want me to spend the night? I was enjoying the thought of waking up beside you.”
She shivered and set the drink down, then wrapped her arms around her and finally turned to face him. “I didn’t think you’d want that. I thought you’d want to leave.”
He shook his head, more confused than ever. “Why would I want that? I’ve waited nearly a decade for this. When you invited me here, I thought it meant...” He trailed off, suddenly embarrassed. What had he thought? That she’d marry him? That they could live happily ever after? Was that even what he wanted?
She sat down in a chair by the fire and met his gaze, her eyes wet with tears. “I just wanted to know passion. I wanted to know what it felt like to be desired. I didn’t want to be alone. For one night at least.”
“Then why are you trying so hard to be rid of me?” he asked her softly. “Why can’t I stay the night? We could fall asleep in each other’s arms and then wake up and make love all over again.”
“I don’t... I don’t know how to do this, how to be casual with you after what we just did. The duke never talked to me afterward. He never even looked at me. He just left the room. That’s why I thought you would want to as well.” Her face flushed adorably, and the words seemed wrenched from somewhere deep inside her, but at least she was talking to him now.
He struggled to control the anger seething within him. He couldn’t believe that old bastard had treated her that way. He didn’t even want to think about how terrible her first time must have been, how scared she probably was, and then to be left alone, without a word? “I can’t speak for him, but I would never do that. I want to talk to you and hold you. This is about more than just a quick physical release for me. Surely, you know that.”
“I don’t know that I do.” She smiled tremulously and stood, crossing the room and climbing back up in the bed. She crawled over beside him, then laid her head on his chest as he pulled the covers around them. “Thank you,” she whispered. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
He laughed. “You’re not the only one. I’ve been afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing since the moment I got here.”
She relaxed a bit more, snuggling against him even further. “It feels wonderful to be in your arms. I’ve dreamed of this more times than I can imagine.”
He cuddled her closer, his breath warm against her ear. “You’re safe now,” he whispered. “No matter what happens, you don’t have to be alone. And if you do get pregnant, I promise I’ll take care of both of you. I would marry you, Clarice.”
She stiffened, going completely rigid beside him. “I told you. I can’t have children. And you deserve a wife who can give you children. You’re an earl now. You need an heir. And I can never give that to you.”
“I don’t need children,” he hurried to assure her. “I never wanted the damn title, and I could care less what happens to it after I’m gone.”
“You say that now,” she told him, shaking her head. “But eventually, you’d start to resent me.”
“I don’t think so,” he said, realizing he’d said the wrong thing but also wanting to put her mind at ease. “Besides, these things sometimes work themselves out. Perhaps the duke was to blame all along. Not you.”
“The duke had a child with his first wife,” she pointed out sharply. “Natalia. Besides, the doctor told me it was my fault. I’m... broken somehow.”
“You’re far from broken,” he tried to console her. “And as I said before, it doesn’t matter to me at all. I just want you to know that I don’t intend to leave you in a bad situation.”
She said nothing else, but he could tell that his mention of children, after she’d already made it clear that she couldn’t have them, had ruined this moment between them. He couldn’t imagine how much that old bastard had hurt her, wanting something she had no control over, probably making her feel it was all her fault.
Cursing himself for his thoughtlessness, he kissed her gently on the top of the head and tucked the blankets around them. “Good night, darling.”
“Good night,” she replied.
Chapter Six
Long after Roman had fallen asleep beside her, Clarice’s thoughts kept her awake. As she listened to the soft rhythm of his breathing and reveled in the sumptuous heat of his body pressed against hers, she couldn’t help but feel she’d made a terrible mistake.
As wonderful as the evening had been—and it had been glorious—all she’d managed to do was discover how much her life had been missing. Now that she’d known true passion, spent an evening talking to a man she loved, and slept the night in his strong arms, how could she go back to her own cold lonely bed? How could she spend her evenings reading in the company of her cat and tell herself that was enough?
But Roman’s comments about taking care of her if she was pregnant only showed that no matter how much he denied it, he wanted children. All men did, she feared.
So once again, she would be a disappointment. Unable to provide the one thing that could make her a worthwhile partner. He could say it wasn’t important to him now, but as she’d told him, he was an earl now. He owed it to his family’s grand, illustrious history to continue the line.
Tears stung her eyes, and she turned on her side, putting a little distance between them.
Oh, they could be lovers. He’d certainly take advantage of what she offered him for the next few weeks, perhaps even the next few months. But he’d soon grow tired of being in the same woman’s bed. She’d heard the rumors and knew of his many conquests. No woman had ever managed to capture his attention for long.
Or—perhaps even worse—he really did want to marry her, and she’d have to go through the terrible pendulum of emotions she’d gone through with the duke, each month hoping against hope for a miracle, only to have that hope die a bloody death. She couldn’t bear to have Roman go through that with her, couldn’t stand it if he started looking at her as the duke had.
