“When you love someone, I think you should do everything in your power not to lose them,” she said simply. “Pride be damned.”
“Well, my pride might very well be damned if Clarice has any say in it,” he said sardonically. “But I’m willing to give it one more chance.”
“I’VE BEEN SUCH A FOOL,” Clarice cried the moment her friend Alicia Ashton, the Countess of Slayton, entered her parlor the day after her disastrous night with Roman.
The two women had first met just a few months after the duke had died, at the very first meeting of the Wicked Widows’ League that Clarice had attended. She’d been a bit hesitant at first, but the months of solitude had driven her to embrace the only means of socialization available to her. Much to her surprise, she’d immediately felt embraced and accepted, and she now included many of the widows as her dear friends. Alicia had quickly become a particular favorite.
In fact, Alicia was the only one she’d brought fully into her confidence about her plans regarding Roman.
Alicia frowned and pulled Clarice into a quick hug. “Oh, dear. I’m so sorry! What happened?”
The two women broke apart, and Clarice waited until her friend was comfortably settled in a comfortable chair in front of the fireplace before asking a passing maid to fetch some tea and taking the seat beside her.
“I made of mess of things,” Clarice admitted. “In the end, I ordered him to leave. I’m afraid I’ve ruined everything.”
“Start from the beginning,” Alicia said, holding up a staying hand. “Don’t worry. We’ll figure it out.”
Clarice managed a weak smile. “Well, I very seriously doubt that, but thank you. I need someone to look at this with a calm head.”
“Well, I am imminently calm,” Alicia said with a smile.
Clarice scrubbed her face with her hands. “Oh, Alicia. I never knew that the sex act could be so beautiful.”
Alicia blushed a bit, looking at her gloved hands. “I’ve found it to be so. I quite enjoy it, in fact.”
“I never understood. The duke... he never took time with me, never ensured I enjoyed it. But Roman... He was so tender, so sweet....”
“Then what is wrong?” Alicia asked. “It sounds as though you had a wonderful time.”
Tears filled her eyes, and she blinked rapidly, trying to keep them from falling. It seemed as though she’d spent most of the last twenty-four hours crying. She was done with that. All she wanted now was to figure out a way to live without Roman now that she knew how truly wonderful it might be to have him in her life.
“That’s just it. The whole thing was too perfect. Too wonderful. Oh, Alicia, he was so good to me. He talked about a future between us. He said he’d never stopped thinking about me either.” Despite her best efforts, a few tears leaked out as she gave voice to what had happened.
“And why is that such a bad thing?” Alicia asked softly, her blue eyes tearing up as well.
“Because the future he envisions includes children,” she said, her voice breaking. “That’s why I’m so determined to just take a lover. There’s too much history between Roman and me for things to ever be strictly physical. Last night proved that. Even though he said that he didn’t care that I was barren, I know that in time he will. He’ll start resenting me, just like the duke did!”
Alicia leaned over and squeezed her hand. “Chatham is not Claymore, and I think you do him a disservice to assume that he is. Perhaps you should give it all a little more time before you end things with Chatham for good. See him a few more times, get to really know him again. Then, if you still feel like things are impossible, you can end it then.”
Clarice buried her face in her hands, unable to look at her friend as she confessed her darkest fears. “I’m afraid that if I let things continue, that if I keep seeing him, I’ll let him talk me into marrying him. I’ll start believing that things can work out, only to be horribly disappointed in the end.”
“But you don’t know that he’ll disappoint you,” Alicia chided gently. “You’re letting your experience with the duke cloud your judgment.”
“No, you don’t understand!” Clarice cried, dropping her hands and shaking her head. “You don’t know what it’s like, to wait every month, hoping and praying, only to be bitterly disappointed. You don’t know what it’s like to have to tell your husband you failed him yet again! I can’t go through that again. I just can’t!”
“Oh, my dear,” Alicia murmured. “You’re right. I don’t understand. It must have been terrible.”
Clarice sighed, trying to control her rioting emotions. “I promised myself that I wouldn’t put myself in such a situation again. I thought I’d come to terms with my lot in life, that I could be happy by myself and draw all my love from my dear friends. But spending the night with Roman... It made me realize how much I’m going to miss out on. How good things might have been between us if I wasn’t so damaged.”
“You’re not damaged,” Alicia told her firmly. “You’re absolutely perfect just the way you are, and if Chatham can’t see that, then you’re better off without him.”
To Clarice’s surprise, a wry laugh escaped her. This was why she was so grateful for the friendships she’d made in the Wicked Widows’ League. Alicia was entirely on her side, no matter what happened, and she appreciated that more than words could say. Sometimes it was very nice to be supported, even when you knew you weren’t acting in a rational manner.
“Have I told you lately how very glad I am to have you in my life, Alicia?”
Alicia smiled. “I feel the very same way.”
Chapter Eight
