‘I’d like to think you’re sensible enough never to get into a car with someone who has been.’
‘It wasn’t a date either before you get any ideas.’
‘But you’d have liked it to be,’ I said gently, noting the way her cheeks flushed and how she lowered her eyes as she spoke.
‘He’s cute. I think he likes me but it’s not fair to get into anything in case I manage to get somewhere through Clearing.’
‘You’re thinking you’ll give that a try?’
‘I might. I’ve been looking at other unis – spent Monday at Mapleton Castle again scrolling through my options – and I’ve got a list of possibles I’d like to go through with you at some point.’
‘Any evening works for me. And dare I ask what you’d be studying?’
‘Psychology or psychology with counselling. I shouldn’t have said that about not wanting to be like you but I thought you’d cheated on Dad and, after Alfie and Carmen cheated on me…’ She grimaced as she tailed off.
‘That’s why you ramped up the attitude after you caught them together – because you knew how much it hurt to be on the receiving end.’
‘And that was after only six months as Alfie’s girlfriend. You’d been with Dad for decades.’ She put her empty mug down on the grass.
‘I do get you mistaking Jude from me – especially when it was from a distance and she was wearing my jacket – but did you really think I was capable of doing that to your dad?’
She shrugged. ‘Something had changed between you. You used to laugh all the time but you didn’t anymore. He worked away so often and, when he was back, you never went out together. It was like you’d given up on each other.’
Maddie noticing what I hadn’t was hard to hear.
‘Carmen didn’t get on with her parents,’ she continued. ‘You should have seen them, Mum. They behaved like they were in some weird game where the objective was to see who could hurt the other the most using money, Carmen and other partners as weapons. Because of that, Carmen believed that no parent should ever be trusted. When I told her how close we were and how we shared three things every day, she said I had to stop it cos it gave you too much information and too much control over me.
‘The day we saw Jude and Ned, we had a couple of free lessons so we’d caught the train into Reading to wander round the shops. Carmen wanted to know all about you. I think she was after something to use against you so that, when she slagged her mum off, I could join in by dissing you and, of course, we spotted you kissing another man – or thought we did. She suggested I do another three things with you that night and, if you lied about your day, it would be further proof that parents can’t be trusted.’
She continued to tell me about some of the things Carmen had done. It was incredibly uncomfortable hearing how Carmen took every opportunity to turn Maddie against me and how Maddie was so angry with me for allegedly cheating on Laurie that she let her. I had been right about Carmen’s many compliments being mickey-takes – Maddie shared that the pair of them would giggle about it afterwards.
I wasn’t angry with Maddie. How could I be when she thought I’d betrayed our family and she had the devil sitting on her shoulder influencing her every move?
‘I’m raging with myself for being so gullible,’ Maddie said. ‘I don’t think the things Carmen said and did were ever really about you. I think it was about her own toxic relationship with her mum and wanting someone to talk to who was going through the same thing. I kind of feel sorry for her now. Hattie messaged last week and said Alfie’s ditched Carmen and nobody wants anything to do with her cos of what she did to me.’
‘You’re not going to get in touch with her, are you?’
Maddie shook her head. ‘I might feel sorry for her but I’m not stupid. At a push, I could have forgiven her for the stuff about you cos most of it was triggered by what we thought we saw in town, but I could never forgive her for seeing Alfie behind my back. The thing is, if she’d given me even the slightest clue that she liked him, I’d have backed off and let them get on with it.’
‘Where does this leave us?’ I asked.
‘I can’t undo what I’ve done. I’m really, really sorry but it doesn’t feel enough. I’ve been thinking about what the past year must have been like for you. Dad walked out, made you sell the house and you lost your job. That’s a lot to deal with all at once and, instead of being sympathetic, I made it worse.’
‘I understand where your attitude came from now, though. You thought I’d done something really bad.’
‘But you hadn’t and I never gave you the chance to explain that. And even if you had done it, I had no right to judge you without having the full story. Anyway, I can see now how badly you needed this fresh start and I can see why you picked here. It’s very you.’
‘I didn’t just choose it for me. I chose it for you – or the Maddie you were before Carmen.’
She nodded. ‘I see that now too. It’s growing on me. I love the horses, obviously, and the goats are funny. I’m really looking forward to the cows arriving – can’t wait to cuddle them again. But it’s not just the farm. I like the villages too. I’ve loved cycling again and sitting in the castle grounds and by the river with a book. It’s been so long since I read a book and I’ve missed it. And Idowant to be part of your new business. I like what Nanna said about three generations of women working together. Instead of waiting till Wednesday, can I start my job here today?’
‘Really? Oh, Maddie, we’d love that.’
I put my arm around her shoulders, she rested her head against mine and we sat there for several minutes while my heart filled with joy that I’d just had a long conversation with my daughter in which she didn’t snap at me, say anything in a sarcastic tone, tut, roll her eyes or make me feel like something she’d trodden in.
‘Can I ask you something?’ she said, straightening up. ‘You said it was Dad who left you. Why did he leave?’
‘Truthfully, Maddie, I don’t know. Jude and I have been talking about it a lot while she’s been here and we have a couple of theories but we’re speculating with very little to go on.’
