‘What was his excuse?’
‘I think that should come from your dad but I can fill in the gaps later if it doesn’t make sense to you. For now, he’s keen to put things right between you both.’
‘Does he know about the pregnancy scare?’
‘It’s not my place to tell him that. We didn’t talk about you which might sound strange but it’ll make sense when you know what’s been on his mind. He’s aware he’s messed up with you as well as me and he wants to find a way forward.’
‘When’s he going back to Finland?’
‘I didn’t ask. Presumably he’s not here on a day trip.’
Maddie sighed. ‘Okay. I’ll see what he has to say for himself. It had better be good.’
‘It is. Be gentle with him. He’s had a tough time of it.’
She hugged me before heading towards the farmhouse. I watched her going inside and hoped Laurie would tell her the truth too. It would be so much better if it came from him and he allowed Maddie to see him emotional and vulnerable for once.
My next stop could only be one place – the cuddle cows. With that part of the farm closed off to visitors, there was no chance of me being disturbed.
Angelica and Persephone – both Holstein-Friesians – were grazing at the far end of the field but the remaining eleven cuddle cows were lying down. I made a beeline for Hyacinth – the exceptionally affectionate Holstein-Friesian I’d cuddled at Fetlock Farm – and knelt down beside her.
‘Would you mind if I steal a cuddle?’ I asked.
She turned her head and I slipped my arm round her neck and pressed my cheek against her coat, breathing in her grassy scent, feeling her warmth. Silent tears rained down my cheeks as I hugged her close – tears for my beloved friend, Adrian, who’d hidden his broken parts, and tears for Laurie who’d also hidden his. If only they’d both talked about it, things might have been different.
But as I adjusted position and Hyacinth placed her head in my lap, I wiped my cheeks with the realisation that I didn’t want everything to be different. Yes, I’d do anything for Adrian to still be here and to have realised his worth but I didn’t regret things falling apart with Laurie. It went back to that feeling I’d had from the day we viewed Hazelwick Farm that this was where I was always meant to be and I’d never have found my way here if Laurie hadn’t blown up our marriage.
I lay against Hyacinth, listening to the rumbling in her stomach. Many people believed that cows had four stomachs but it was really four chambers through which grass moved after a process of ruminating or chewing the cud – repeatedly regurgitating, re-chewing and re-swallowing their food to help break it down further and aid digestion. They could spend between six and ten hours a day doing that, mostly lying down as that made the rumination process more comfortable for them. The old wives’ tale that cows lay down when it was about torain always tickled me when, having been raised on a dairy farm, I’d known the real reason for them lying down since early childhood.
Rising to my feet a little later, I wandered round the herd, giving them all gentle strokes. I loved the way their coats felt so different – some soft, some fuzzy and others almost like silk.
It struck me that another reason for the tears earlier was relief. Now I knew that Laurie hadn’t checked out because he’d never loved me or because of something I’d done wrong. It really had been him, not me. There’d been nothing I could have fixed because he hadn’t given me that opportunity. It was sad but it was comforting too.
* * *
Maddie told me she hadn’t talked to Laurie for long, conscious that she had work to do but he told her he’d booked a hotel room in Berwick that evening so she agreed to him picking her up and taking her out for an early tea. While she was out, I told Mam and Jude what Laurie had shared and we all shed some tears over the shock news about Adrian.
As we were clearing away, Maddie arrived back.
‘That was quick,’ I said. ‘Everything all right?’
‘Yeah. We didn’t go far – just to The Otter’s Pocket in Mapleton – and service was quick. He’s sticking around for a few days so I said I’ll see him again on Monday when we’re closed.’
All four of us moved into the lounge with mugs of tea.
‘Have you spoken to Caleb since Laurie turned up?’ Mam asked me.
‘No. Why?’
‘He said he had some good news for you and he seemed really happy but, when he returned to the café ten minutes later,he looked completely deflated. Didn’t even want the cakes he’d been eyeing up.’
I grimaced. ‘Laurie turned up when we were talking. Actually, Laurie turned up when we were hugging – the hug being my response to the news that Rowan’s tests had come back clear. Laurie introduced himself as my husband.’
I laughed as all three of them winced.
‘He also asked me if I’d moved on with Caleb. As if that’s any of his business.’
‘Are you into Caleb?’ Maddie asked, her voice and expression surprised.
