The thought was oddly terrifying. Just imagining handing Clarissa over to some other man and turning away. Where would he go? What would he do?
All of his former plans—the travel and the parties and the bachelor lifestyle—were as appealing as a trek across a desert.
His breathing grew shallow as he tried to figure out how to answer.
She was giving him an out. He could hear it in the careful way she'd chosen the words. She was reminding them both of the terms. Drawing the line back where it belonged.
And underneath all of it, a question she wasn't quite asking but was there in the seriousness of her gaze. Is that all this is?
She wanted an answer that he didn't have. Or…no. That was cowardice talking.
He knew what he wanted to say, but it wasn't his right. And he hadn't even thought it through.
And so he found himself filling the silence by repeating her words. "You thought I'd be relieved?"
"Yes." Her smile didn't waver. "You'll be free of me. You can go back to being charmingly irresponsible and I can—" She waved a hand. "Choose my sensible husband."
She said it so breezily. But she'd never been a terribly good actress, and right now he saw right through her performance.
Kit looked at her. Her eyes were dark and steady and waiting for him to say the right thing.
The problem was, he had no idea what that was.
Some part of him knew he should smile and agree. Yes, very relieved.
He could bow out gracefully and collect his fee. He could walk away. That was the arrangement. That was what she'd signed up for. No harm done if he turned and ran.
And that was what he did, did he not? He kept moving. Never staying in one place for too long.
Perhaps he'd inherited the tendency to run from his mother, who'd born an heir and then never looked back. Last he'd heard she was traveling the continent with her horde of friends. Living the life of a well-to-do duchess without the constraints that came with a family.
That was the life he'd chosen for himself as well. Though in his plan, he'd leave no child behind to be heartbroken and lonely in his absence.
And now…
What? Was he really rethinking all that just because a beautiful woman with a gorgeous smile was gazing up at him with serious dark eyes and a hopeful smile?
He swallowed hard as he realized that…yes.
Yes, that was exactly what he was doing.
Her brows drew together in concern at his long silence. "Kit? Are you— Did I?—"
"Clarissa." His voice came out lower and gruffer than he'd ever heard it.
She went still. "Yes?"
He shifted forward, turning his back to the others nearby. "What if I?—"
He stopped. Because he didn't know how to finish that sentence. What if I don't want it to be over? What if the assignment stopped being an assignment? What if I?—
"Lady Clarissa!" The booming voice came from behind them.
For a moment, she didn't react, and neither did he.
But then Lord Hartley's voice grew closer and impossible to ignore. "Lady Clarissa, there you are. I've been looking everywhere for you."
13
