I stared, trying to understand, and seeing a fury in his eyes that was covering something raw. Something old and buried. Not something I created, only unearthed.
“My parents told me. The doctors too, that reading was hardbecause of ADHD,” Orion seethed, voice low and shaking. “They said I just needed to try harder. Slow down and apply myself. Focus. And if it’s hard, it’s because I get lazy. Or I joke around. Or I don’t live up to my potential.”
My stomach twisted. “Orion…”
“So don’t sit there and tell me that after all these years of being told it’s one thing, you and Professor Wolfe,a piano teacher, for fuck’s sake, have decided that it’s something else.”
He started to go, striding for the door.
I firmed my voice, heart pounding. “What if they were wrong?”
Orion stopped.
“Your parents, the doctors, all of them,” I said, my voice quavering. “What if they were wrong?”
For a long moment, Orion did nothing but stand with his back to me. Finally, when I thought he’d continue out the door, he half turned his head over his shoulder, his voice heavy with defeat.
“If they were wrong, then Rhett was right. And I’m a fucking moron.”
My eyes flared, those words punching me in the gut. “That is not true. You’re not…anything like that. Or broken, or defective. And he’s a goddamn piece of shit for saying that.”
Orion shook his head. “I am. I’m stupid.”
“No—”
“Yes,” Orion said, turning around, his face a mask of conflicted emotions I couldn’t read. “Because if everything you’re saying is true, and I was smart, I would have figured it out.” He laughed harshly, a horrible, bitter sound. “I’m eighteen, Harper. Eighteen. And I don’t even know what dyslexia is. Sounds pretty fucking bloody stupid to me.”
I stood up and slowly moved toward him.
“You’re not stupid,” I said softly. “You believed your parents. Because you were a kid. Because you trusted them. That’s what kids do.”
He shook his head, his eyes full of disbelief and something like grief. “I study. I memorize. I try so fucking hard. And all this time, all these years, I thought it was just me.”
“I know,” I said, my voice starting to crack. “You’ve been working ten times harder than everyone else. Building workarounds no one saw. Because you’re brilliant. The memorization, your sketches and your piano... God, Orion, yourpiano. Having dyslexia and ADHD while being that talented… There’s a name for that. It’s calledtwice exceptional. That’s what you are. That’s how you were able to keep going and no one knew. Not even you.”
“Wolfe told you that?” he said, and I could see him struggling to believe me.
I nodded. “The fact that you didn’t know only means you’ve been doing this alone.Survivingalone. And you never should have been abandoned like that. Never.”
Orion’s head dropped, shoulders bent, on the verge of giving in to the truth.
“I…I think I knew. Deep down, I think I’ve always known something was wrong. And I didn’t question it. I never questionanything.” He shook his head miserably. “Because that’s not what we do. My family… We don’ttalk.We keep it all in and wepretend, and we just keep going, even when things are messed up, andIwas messed up, but I didn’t want to embarrass anyone…”
Tears filled my eyes, and I blinked them back. “You’re not messed up. But you’ve been compensating your whole life. It’s all you know to do. And when something is all you know how to do, then it becomes how you think things aresupposed to be.”
He looked up at me, his eyes full.
“I’m so tired, Harper. I’m so bloody tired of pretending I’m not drowning.”
“I know,” I whispered, and reached for him, holding his face in both hands. “You don’t have to pretend anymore.”
He exhaled a long, ragged breath. Finally. I pulled him to me, and he wrapped his arms around me and let go. I held him as best as I could, his large body shuddering, shoulders shaking. I sank my fingers into his hair, the little spirals I loved so much.
Him. I love him—
I tried to cut the thought off before it could dig deeper roots. But it was too big, took up too much of me. So big that I couldn’t ignore it. In that moment, it revealed itself, and no amount of my self-preservation could deny it. His pain was my pain. My heart broke because his was breaking. My anger for those who abandoned him ran deep and hot, and yet so did my desire. I wanted to set all this aside and go somewhere and kiss him until we lost ourselves for a few stolen moments. Body and soul, I loved Orion.
You can’t. He’s moving back to England…
