I laughed. “I promise.”
After my revelation with Harper, I saw a private specialist and had it confirmed: stealth dyslexia, dysgraphia, and ADHD—paired with an IQ of 157 and unusually high phonological processing. The neuropsychologist said he’d never seen a case so complex, one that would require extensive accommodations from CHA. With Harper’s help, I scraped through history, and the crushing weight on my back finally lifted, making the rest of my classes easier to endure. I decided to wait until the holiday break to tell Father and Mum—when I could do it with my girlfriend at my side.
My girlfriend.
The word made me smile. I hadn’t had a real girlfriend before, and Harper was a treasure. I was a better person because of her. Maybe I’dbe a better person around my family with her. Maybe I wouldn’t feel soless thanand could untie the knots in my tongue at the dinner table.
“One last thing before we part,” Ezra said. “You know I have to say it.”
I sighed. “Here we go.”
“The time for college applications is growing short.”
“Ezra, you know where I’m going.”
“Doessheknow where you’re going?”
I shifted and glanced away. “We haven’t talked about it, but she knows Cambridge is the plan.”
“Why is it still the plan?” Ezra asked softly. He gestured at the piano. “Don’t you love this? Don’t you feel it in your blood, in your bones, in yoursoulthat this was what you were meant to do? How else do you explain your innate talent? You’re a Mozart. A Beethoven. You’re one of those rarest of geniuses, who, for whatever reason, can justdothis. Don’t you want to keep doing it?”
“Yes. But playing for a living is not the same as playing for me. I will always be able to play for me.”
“Well, that’s just selfish bollocks.”
“Selfish? Because I don’t want the life you choose for me? How is that any different from living the life my father wants?”
Ezra held my gaze for a moment, and then asked suddenly, “Do you know why I picked this piece?”
“Because it’s insanely difficult and emotional?”
“Yes and yes, butétudemeans study, andtableaumeans image. Rachmaninoff is creating an image in the mind of the listener with this music. If you close your eyes and listen, it conjures something. Do you not see it when you play?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’m just trying to not fuck up the finger work.”
Ezra groaned and ran his hands through his hair. “You’re holding back. Still. And dyslexia has nothing to do with it. I know you can compose something for the spring concert. Or hell, you could evenimprovise. Just sit down and make contact with whatever is inside you and let it out. It’sachingto come out, and once you do that, your own tableau will become very, very clear. And it’s not bloody chemicals.”
“You don’t understand,” I said, ignoring the flares his words were sending up in my heart. “If I stay with my family’s business—”
“You have a safety net,” Ezra finished gently. “You will not have to go out into a world that willnotprovide a lick of accommodations. That doesn’t care if you struggle. You will not have to sit on a stage, at that instrument, and bleed all over the keys. You will not have to let the world into your heart and soul.” He leveled a gaze at me. “Yes, it’s terrifying. I’m proof of that, hiding in this schoolbecauseit’s so bloody terrifying. But you are not me. You are so much more than me. And theterrifyingis what makes it great.”
His words hung in the air for a moment, and then he snorted a laugh, easing the tension, and took hold of my shoulders.
“All right, I’ve said my piece. For this month, anyway. I’m not done with you, my friend. But you’ve earned a break from even my incessant badgering.”
He embraced me, and I hugged him back. Tightly.
“Happy Christmas,” he said. “I hope you have a wonderful break and that Harper has lenient parents and a valid passport.”
I snorted a laugh. “You don’t quit, do you?”
“Me? Never,” Ezra said. “It’s part of my charm.”
“Charm, sure.” I grinned. “Let’s go with that.”
***
I left the Arts Wing and passed through the center of the Academy, near the gym. Tucker and Rhett were headed toward me.
