I leaned forward and kissed her forehead, and we stayed that way for a long minute. Then Harper sat up and huffed a breath.
“In other, better news,” she said, wiping her eyes. “Ezra tells meyou’re going to Juilliard.”
“He’s sending them tonight’s performance. That’s not a guarantee—”
“So you’re going to Juilliard. And I’m going to NYU.”
“Oh?” I said, playing it cool, while joy suffused every part of me. “So we’ll be in the same city.”
“Seems so. After I figure out what to do with Dash. But the Academy is trying to buy my cooperation, and I think things are going to be okay with my mom.”
“Really?”
“I’ll be able to afford rehab and family counseling, so I have hope. And if things still aren’t okay, we’ll figure it out. That’s what we do, right?”
“That’s what we do.” I glanced down. “I’m sorry, Harper. I’m sorry I cheated and stayed in that damn contest.”
“I understand why you did.”
“I know. Your speech at the NoSci was the best thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life.”
“Your performance tonight was the best thingI’veever heard in my entire life. I could feel Dean all around me.”
I nodded, glanced away.
“Hey.” Harper touched my cheek so I’d look at her. “If he didn’t take that pill at your party, he would’ve taken it somewhere else. Because he was doing his best to keep up like all the rest of us. You can’t blame yourself.”
“But I do.”
“I know, but…” She bit her lip. “I think maybe guilt is a way that we torture ourselves. The tragedy is so big and so painful, so we try to take a piece of it and give it a reason or assign blame because otherwise it feels so meaningless. But you can’t take it on yourself, Orion. Dean would hate that.God, he would hate that.”
“Yeah, he would.”
Her words made sense, and someday, when the grief didn’t havesuch sharp, biting teeth, I might believe them.
I took Harper’s hand in mine and kissed her injured finger. “I have a suggestion.”
“And what is that?”
“I hear the rents are pretty rough in New York. And since we’ll both be living there, and you’ll have all kinds of Academy hush money…”
She frowned. “I saw your parents were here. Did they cut you off?”
“No, I just thought it’d be nice to have a sugar mama—Ow!” I laughed and rubbed my arm where she’d swatted me.
She laughed too, shaking her head. “Incorrigible.”
My laughter faded. “I want us to live together, Harper. In fact, I don’t want to live a single day without you.” I cupped her cheek. “Because I love you. You’re the reason I did what I did tonight. You’re the reason I can play.”
“No…”
“Yes, Bennett. Now hush up and let me be romantic a minute. It’s because of you I’m able to choose the piano. My love for you. You make me want more, and that’s what playing is. It’s more emotion and pain and grief and joy and all of it. Losing Dean…” I swallowed. “He showed me what it’s all for. You, Harper. And music. And love. They’re one and the same. Loving you is music.”
A tear rolled down her cheek, into my hand that held her.
“So what do you say?” I said thickly.
“Yes, Orion,” she whispered. “I’ll be your roommate.”
