“No, not at all.” There was a long pause after, the silence filled with the trickling water running around us, a slow breeze rolling through the trees, and a far-off bird call.
Suddenly, Tucker shifted, rolling himself toward and over me. His upper body was warm from being exposed to elements on our ride and the unobstructed sun, but the hairs on his stomach were cool with the water that clung to them as they scraped along my abs. I opened my legs a little wider, allowing him to settle himself against me, and let out a soft, contented sigh.
“I wanted time alone. Just the two of us. No expectations or work to get in the way,” he murmured, the shade from his hat obscuring his eyes a little.
I took in every detail of him. The weight of him against me, the contrast of his tanned arms to his pale chest, the ghost of a smile on his lips. He was so fucking breathtaking.
Lifting one hand, I grabbed the Stetson he always seemed to wear and plopped it on my own head, exposing the life that sparkled behind those whiskey-colored eyes. “Why, Tucker Legare, if I didn’t know any better, I might think this was a date.”
And then there it was. Those lips spread into a smile that would have had my heart racing away with me, but then they crashed into mine with bruising force, and it was as if every beat in my chest was only for him. Every errant thump against my ribs spelled out T-U-C-K-E-R. When he pulled away, it felt like he pulled a piece of my soul with him.
“Good thing I was hoping you’d want a date.” He grinned, and it was brighter than any sun in the sky. Tucker snagged his hat back, stealing another quick peck as I reeled from the sudden shift in the normally grumpy man.
“All right,” I exclaimed, sitting more upright and lifting my hands in the air like I’d been caught rifling through the cookie jar. “I don’t know who you are, and while you’re real good lookin’, I’m a mentally taken man, so I’ll have to politely ask you to stop being so forward with me.”
It didn’t hit me at first, what I said, but I knew I’d fucked up. Royally. A door slammed shut in Tucker’s eyes, and I felt the walls rattle around us with the force of it. And then the plaster and shingles started to fall, breaking apart this perfect little reality we’d only just put together.
“Mentally taken, huh?” His huff of amusement was forced, and it punched me right in the gut.
“I didn’t mean anything by it,” I urged, feeling a low-level of desperation under my skin. “I wasn’t poking fun or trying to be shitty.”
“I know,” he said, lowering his head between his shoulders before he pulled away and settled back in his original spot. The water was icy cold as it rushed over my skin, and I realized I was quickly freezing over from the chill traveling through my blood.
My mind raced as I tried to scramble for something to say that would salvage even a small piece of that playful, open version of Tucker I’d just had in my grasp. But before I could come up with anything, he let out a heavy sigh. It was full of so much. Years of hurt. Months of confusing feelings. Not enough time to figure it all out.
“Granger knows.”
They weren’t the words I’d been expecting, and for a moment they caused so much whiplash, I couldn’t think properly. “Oh?” I croaked, sure I should be mustering more of a reaction but finding it hard with everything else.
Tucker nodded, staring out at the tree line on the opposite shorelike there was some great wisdom hidden among all the leaves and bark. “He’s fine with it. Not surprising, honestly. That man loves chaos and drama more than any California twink I’ve met. But he said something to me, and… I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t have had to hear it to realize it’s true, but he told me Raleigh would want me happy.”
My heart started up another fast rhythm in my chest, but this time I couldn’t make out what it was saying.
“I love Raleigh, Jackson. I don’t think I’m capable of ever falling out of love with him, even now. There will always be a part of my heart that belongs to him, and I’ve felt so guilty about that. It doesn’t feel fair to be doing this with you when I still feel so committed to him.”
I took a slow breath, trying to center my thoughts. This wasn’t new information. It was clear as day Tucker still loved Raleigh, but this was the first time we were really discussing it in the context of what it meant for us.
“Like I said before, I know what you and Raleigh had was special. I think it’s incredible you love as deeply as you do. For me, it's not about if you can move on from Raleigh enough to love me. That’s not the question here,” I said, unable to look away from the man beside me.
“What is?” Tucker asked, looking at me then.
“Can you love me too? In addition to Raleigh.”
Those amber hues were slightly obscured with the shade from his hat, the furrow between his brow more pronounced with the darkness, but I could feel the way he was searching my face. If he was looking for any hint of doubt or a sign I wasn’t being truthful, he wouldn’t find it. There wasn’t a single part of me that wanted Tucker to feel like he had to choose. Raleigh was a part of him, and while I had been shaken by finally putting a face to that part, it didn’t change my belief.
“I think I could.” Tucker’s response was whispered low, like he was scared of the power those words held. They sent off an atomicbomb inside me, every atom vibrating with the relief and elation caused by his declaration.
Before I could respond, a shirl whinny had both of us turning to look behind us for the source. Poe had wandered into the water, and he began pawing at the water playfully with a hard snort. Then he looked back up at us, both ears forward and, swear to God, a fucking sparkle in his eye before he started to go down.
“Oh, fuck, Poe! No! Not with the saddle on!” Tucker shouted as both of us scrambled up to stop him.
“Poe! Don’t make me full name you!” I added, managing to reach the horse before Tucker and pushing against his chest while being mindful I was barefoot.
After a few minutes of trying to prevent the thousand-pound animal from ruining the leather and being uncomfortable with wet blankets on his back, Tucker and I finally settled on pulling the tack off. Poe dropped down into the cool water with a contented grunt the moment we both stepped back, and Tucker shook his head.
“Goddamn, Poe,” he grumbled as he shuffled back to the shore, saddle propped in his arms, and I followed with the pads and girth.
“What is Poe’s registered name?” I asked, realizing while I’d threatened it, I hadn’t ever heard it be used.
