“We have so much shit to work through.” It’s a confession as much as it’s an epiphany. I tried to mask our problems with my ongoing healing journey and sex, and all it did was force me to face our problems head-on unprepared. “And I ran here the first chance I got. My kids ran off on their summer break and I booked the first flight out of San Diego. I’m such a shitty person.”
“You needed space.” I’ve buried my forehead into my palm, rubbing my fingers into my temples, and Sylvia reaches across the table for my hand. “It’s not a bad thing you came out here to clear your head.”
“But I ran.”
“And do you regret it?”
“I don’t think so.” I look at her, her silhouette a blurry outline. “I needed that space from my husband, and a part of me is scared to go back home. When I do, our problems are going to be the first thing that greets me when I walk through the door. I don’t know if I’m ready for that. What if it doesn’t go away? What if I have this urge to run again?”
“So you take your time,” she says, offering an encouraging squeeze. “Your marriage isn’t going to fix itself overnight. You take things a day at a time. I don’t think James is going to be mad about it.”
I swallow through a thick knot, though I blame it on a lone blueberry that came with the side of our french toast. We finish after one more round of mimosas and a large rectangle of coffee crumble cake we share between us and return to our day. We go shopping, stop at a salon to get our nails done, and we shop some more. It’s a welcomed distraction. I relish my time with Sylvia, enjoying myself for the first time in a long time with the lingering thought of James and back at the house.
By the time we make it back home, Sophia, Katy, Tommy, and James are gathered around the living room. The lights areturned off, leaving the room dim with the television on as the only source of light. We’re shushed by all four of them the second we walk through the door.
“I think we’re interrupting,” I whisper under a cupped hand in Sylvia’s direction.
She laughs, nudging me further inside to close the door behind her, and we tiptoe past the private viewing party to the kitchen.
“We should’ve just stayed out all night,” I joke once we’re alone again.
“I don’t think they would’ve even noticed if we stumbled in at the crack of dawn.”
“I would’ve noticed.” Tommy struts in the kitchen, a large empty bowl holding the remnants of popcorn kernels. He plops it on the counter before wrapping his arms around Sylvia’s waist.
“Yeah, yeah,” she brushes him off, dodging his playful pecks. “Go back to your movie.”
He swats her backside. “I’m going to order pizza for dinner. Special request from the girls.”
“All right.” Sylvia starts digging through her purse as soon as Tommy walks away. “Oh shoot. I think I forgot my phone in the car.” She walks away, no doubt moving back through the living room with stealth.
“Hey.”
I’m reaching into the fridge for a bottle of cold water when I’m interrupted by a familiar voice. I turn to see James inching his way closer to me.
“Hi.” My conversation with Sylvia left this reluctant thrum to flutter over my skin. It’s left me unsure and scared, and I don’t know how to tell James that.
“Did you have fun?”
I offer a resigned smile. “We did.”
“Sophia did too,” he informs me. He pokes a thumb over his shoulder. “She really likes to sing along to those songs.”
I push a laugh through the anxiety rattling my chest.
“Um, listen,” he starts. “I have to head back in the morning. Diane needs me in the office.”
“Oh.” That thrum turns into a violent shudder, and I can feel it in my fingertips.
“Have you decided when you want to go back home?”
I could leave tomorrow with him. I could book a flight for myself and Sophia and go back to our lives as if this little interlude never happened, but I don’t know if I’m ready to do that yet. That’s what summer breaks are for, right? We’re meant to use the time to get away, to recharge our batteries and pretend real life doesn’t exist back home. So maybe I can stretch that pretense a little longer.
“Maybe another week or two.”
“Okay.”
“Is that okay?”
