“Take your time.”
I nod. And he does the one thing I never realized could help me believe it. He kisses me. He doesn’t mean to. I can tell it isn’t his intention when he chances having an irate rideshare driver for the duration of his drive to the airport. It happens anyway.
It happens in the way any inevitable thing happens. Like a clock ticking to midnight or a rising sun. It’s not a matter of if, but when. I feel it in the way his tongue glides against mine. The way he presses his hip into me, guiding me so his back is facing the one audience we have. The hold he has on my hair, tugging at the roots as if he’s worried I might mist away into thin air, turns wretched as if he’s making painful preparations to leave me behind. Because that’s exactly what he’s doing.
“I almost lost you.”
“What?” I cry.
“I thought I was never going to get you back,” he explains. He presses his forehead to mine and releases a shaky sigh. “I knew if you wanted to leave, I had to let you go. So I was preparing to…lose you.”
“But I’m not,” I assure him. I kiss the corner of his mouth at the same time I wipe his cheek. And he does the same for me. Our tears flow like a salve instead of some harsh pernicious substance ready to wring our marriage dry.
“Yeah.” He doesn’t sound too sure, kind of like me, and I realize how it’s not just me who needs to relearn how to trust. It’s him too.
The slam of a car door jolts us, and he reluctantly lets me go. I see the driver over James’s shoulder. He rounds the backside of the car to the trunk he has popped open, a polite gesture of impatience.
“You have to go before you miss your flight.”
He bends down to pick up his bag and turns to leave, but not before giving me one last kiss. He apologizes to the driver as he hoists his bag into the trunk. He opens the car door, and before he closes the door behind him, he gives me one last somber wave goodbye.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
James
NOW
The first fewweeks of summer gave us the false hope that this summer would be somewhat bearable, but now that July is nearing, I realize it was all an illusion. The heavy heat feels more humid than scorching, and all I want to do is go somewhere where the air conditioning is so cold, I need a sweater or a hot cup of tea. The PNW weather was much nicer, even during my short trip, and a part of me misses it.
“I put your goggles in your bag.”
Sophia grins at me. A stamp of approval for remembering her request. One of many. Her daisy-printed bathing suit. The donut floaty I spent fifteen minutes putting air in. Her small pouch of plastic gemstones she demanded I pack so she can show them to Sadie.
I ring the doorbell at Teeny’s house, the bright pink donut wedged under my arm.
“Hi, Uncle James,” Sadie greets me as soon as she opens the door. Her polite smile widens into a toothy grin as soon as Sophia squeals and runs into her arms. They flit off, disappearing into the house, and I follow like a dutiful bellboy.
“Hey,” Teeny calls. She walks in from the kitchen. She’s as pool-ready as Sophia is with an oversized shirt thrown over herbathing suit. She takes a look at all the baggage I brought with me and says, “Just set her things down in the living room. Sadie’ll get her in the pool in a minute.”
I do as I’m told after quickly slipping my shoes off by the door. A quick glance at the time on the large clock in the kitchen confirms I only have a few minutes to spare before I have to meet up with Kendall.
“I’ll only be a few hours,” I tell Teeny as she pulls a bottle of water from her fridge.
“Take your time,” she assures me. “We’re going to order pizza for dinner, and I think Everett’s stopping by for some ice cream on his way home.”
“He’s not here?”
“I think he’s out with Josh. Pickleball or something,” she answers with a dismissive hand waved in my direction. They’ve asked me to go a few times, and I’ve indulged once or twice.
I nod.
“How’s Kendall?” Teeny was the only one of my family members I told about my sudden trip to Washington. I told her to let my mom know, and I’m sure word spread to my other siblings through casual conversation. Nothing to raise any hairs or cause concern. But I know Teeny knows better.
“She’s good. Just enjoying her time off over the summer.” I’m telling the honest truth for the first time in a long time. She’sgood. At least, she seems good. Ever since we got back, she seems to be having fewer bad days. More good days. And when those bad days do take over like a dark storm, she actually talks to me. I listen, hoping I ask the right questions, and we talk through it the best we can before our conversations grow weary. I don’t shy away from what I want to know anymore. I’ve become bolder and more forward with what I tell her, and it’s actually helping. At least, I hope it is.
She and Sophia returned home last week, and we’ve been easing back into life. The two spend a lot of their days at home, doing crafts or working on the new gardening project Sophia convinced Kendall to start. By the time I make it home, the two appear relaxed and comfortable. Summer came just in time, but I also think heading off to see Sylvia was an effective way for Kendall to clear her head.
“I’m really sorry about talking to Kendall about her, you know…” She plays with her water bottle, twisting the cap open only to rotate it back in the other direction. “I realized I shouldn’t have said anything the second I saw her face. It really wasn’t any of my business and I upset her instead. I was just really worried about her.”
