Fine, she said. Neri seemed to have heard too and nodded, albeit somewhat frantically. Jacen told Urien, “Take us back down.”
They’d kept the mess to a minimum, confined to the elevator, and were able to do a fair-enough job of cleaning it up. Jacen compelled the surviving soldier to help them drag the bodies to an unfinished room nearby—unlit, unhewn stone, an untouched part of the original ruin.
When that was done, Urien said, “Wait here. We shouldn’t be long.” He glanced at Nines. “She’ll reach out when I’ve disabled the alarm system.”
He guided Seth and the dazed soldier back to the elevator, Nines silently following. If all went according to plan, word would not reach the orbital station—or Otavok—of anything that transpired in this fortress.
Turil wasn’t stupid, of course. She would expect them to be plotting. She would sense from inside Seth’s body that something had changed and might even guess she had traveled through the Source. But she couldn’t know where Neri was, nor would she be able to do anything about it from beneath the sedative haze.
Jacen was determined to keep it that way. He gestured inside the dark room and muttered to Neri, “We should stay hidden.”
“With the bodies?” Neri looked like he might be sick.
“If anyone stumbles on them, we have to know about it.”
They posted up against the wall, out of sight of anyone who might walk past. In the interest of stealth, Jacen spoke into Neri’s mind:There are eighteen surrounding the Gate.He hesitated as Neri hugged his knees, stubbornly staring anywhere but at the corpses.Do you remember the plan?
Neri recited,We go back to the Gate area. Urien locks the exits and shuts off all the lights. The Firstborn can’t see in the dark. You nudge as many minds as you can and distract them while I run through the Gate and get the others from Otavok.
More gently, Jacen asked,Can you handle this?
Instead of answering, Neri said,You should stay as far away from me as possible. If something goes wrong and they shoot at me, Naxal might just . . . react.He added, as though he expected to be chastised,I know I have to save my energy, can’t make myself too sick before we get to the station. I’m getting better at controlling it.
That’s not what I meant,said Jacen.
I have to. I know how many must be dead by now in Zivora. I saw what happened to Ogden. I know what happened to Ysira and what’s happening to Seth.Neri’s breath hitched.I hear the voices in my mind, millions of them, everything whispered to the thing in the desert over the last five hundred years. I . . . I feel it all. And I saw what’s on that station. We’re not people to them. This won’t end today.
The truth hung between them, larger than worlds. Jacen could not fathom this responsibility, the unbearable weight of what Neri must be. It was a wonder it didn’t crush him to dust.
I know this would be easier if I integrated.The boy hugged his knees tighter.Ysira wants me to. She won’t say it, but she does.
We can win without that. Jacen attempted to reassure Neri, but it didn’t work. He hesitated.Everything your mother’s done, she’s done it to protect you.
Is that what you’re doing, too? Protecting me?Neri shifted his weight.I’m sorry. I just . . . There are things she doesn’t understand. She’s not a telepath, and . . . she doesn’t want to. I told her I can control this, but . . .A shudder ran through him.I need your help.
Of course,Jacen said without hesitation.I’ll help you control it. I’d be honored.
That’s not what I meant.Neri seemed to be trying to articulate something but didn’t quite know how. The depths of his mind—that universe inside his head—remained closed to Jacen, mired in a dark fog.
You’re scared,Jacen asserted.
Neri stared blankly ahead.You should be too.
I am,said Jacen.We all are. We’d be fools not to be.
Again, Neri was dissatisfied with his response.Not enough.Almost frustrated.You’ve been acting strangely.
I’ve had a lot on my mind,Jacen admitted.
That’s not it. The way you’ve been acting withmeis strange.Neri’s next question was blunter than it might have been, had he spoken aloud:Do you think I’m a god?
One could not lie in psychic communication, only circumvent the truth. So, Jacen was honest.I don’t know.
What do you believe?Neri’s eyes, scarlet beacons in the dimness, never left him.
Jacen asked,What do you think a god is?
The question, first posed to him all those years ago by Brother Marez, was practical as much as existential. Was agod unimaginable power incarnate? The standard for morality? Existence in and of itself? The Source, perhaps? Or was it as the Zal believed andgodwas too vast and inhuman a concept to be encompassed in just one thing?
