I couldn’t feel my fingers.
‘For fuck’s sake, say something!’ Murray demanded.
Colourful dots were swimming in front of my eyes. How had I forgotten every word in the English language?
‘Whoa, whoa, whoa,’ Dylan said, and caught me before I hit the floor.
16
‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘You’re going to have to explain it to me again.’
‘There’s not much to explain,’ Dylan said. ‘I love you. That’s all it came down to in the end.’
I was sitting, once again, on top of the washing machine. Dylan was standing in front of me, his arms resting on either side of me, bracketing me. He was real. He was close. He was here.
I rested my forehead on his collarbone and breathed in deep. One of his hands came up to cup the back of my head. ‘I love you,’ he said again. ‘That’s the only thing that matters.’
‘But it’s not the only thing that matters,’ I said, drawing back. ‘You signed a contract. And all the reasons you signed it are still real. They don’t just go away because you and I—’
‘I know,’ he said, stroking some hair behind my ear. ‘I’m not going to pretend that I’m not terrified of what’s goingto happen next. But I’m weak and I’m selfish, Cece. When Murray came to the boat and told me what you’d said and what you’d decided, how you were going to be the next Juliet…’
His voice trailed off. ‘It killed me,’ he said at last. ‘Thinking of you with someone else killed me. And thinking of myself with someone else, even if it was just for show… I couldn’t even make that picture register in my mind.’
His fingers stilled in my hair. ‘I want you to know,’ he said hoarsely, ‘that if this is what you want, if you want to doWherefore Art Thou Romeo?, I’m not going to stand in your way. I would never.’
I was vaguely aware of how badly I was shaking.
‘But I also want you to know,’ he said, ‘that if you want me, I’m yours. Only yours.’
‘Really?’ I whispered.
‘Cece,’ he said, leaning closer, ‘I’ve never been so serious about something in my entire fucking life.’
I grabbed his collar and pulled his face to mine.
His arms were strong around me. I snaked my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist, holding him to me as tightly as I could. ‘I love you,’ I sobbed into his mouth. ‘I love you, I love you, I love you.’
The laundry door slammed open. ‘For fuck’s sake, I don’t have time for you two to fuck on the washing machine!’ Murray snapped. ‘Get out of there, both of you. Now. You’ve really fucked me over, and we have to work out how to fix it.’
It was like being in detention with the most terrifying headmaster imaginable.
Dylan and I sat on the couch, fingers interlaced so tightly I was pretty sure we’d both lost blood flow. Murray paced in front of the fireplace, faster and faster, his eyes increasingly manic.
‘How long has this been going on?’ he demanded.
Dylan and I looked at each other. ‘Um…’ I said.
‘Let me put it another way: when did you start fucking?’
‘Don’t yell at her,’ Dylan said. ‘Yell at me all you want, but don’t yell at her.’
‘I’m going to yell at both of you as much as I damn well please,’ Murray said. ‘Answer me. When did this start?’
‘Surely you can work that one out for yourself, Murray,’ Lily said. She was perched on the arm of one of the armchairs, studying her nails. ‘Why do you think Cece snuck out that night? So they could go and play bridge?’
‘And it was that mind-blowingly good it made you break your contract?!’ Murray snapped.
Neither of us said anything. I could feel Dylan’s palm sweating against mine.
