Huh.
Interesting.
I wish I could say it was more complicated than that. That I weighed up all my options carefully. That I really thought about it seriously.
But nope. I decided to apply forMarry Me, Julietjust after lunch on a Tuesday because a customer suggested it while indulging in a spot of light sexual harassment.
‘Mandie, no!’ Mum said, when I told her my plans over dinner that night. ‘That’s a terrible idea.’
‘Don’t you want me out of my old bedroom?’ I asked, spooning more potato bake onto my plate. ‘Just think,Mum – if I got on the show, you’d have your house to yourself again.’
‘You know I love having you here and you can stay as long as you want,’ she said. ‘But that doesn’t change the fact that this is an awful idea.’
‘No, it’s not,’ I said, shifting my attention to the salad. Mum had put croutons in it, the fancy kind that she made herself from sourdough. My favourite. ‘It’s a great idea. It’ll be fun. It’ll be an adventure. Think of all the ballgowns I’d get to wear. All that free champagne. Those fancy dates they go on, with all the boats and planes and things.’
Mum put her fork down. It clinked loudly against her plate. ‘Amanda,’ she said. She never called me by my full name unless I was in trouble, but I kept talking anyway.
‘It’s exciting,’ I said, picking up a crouton with my fingers and biting it in half. ‘I’ve never been single during application season before. There was always Chloe or Mark or Jac or whoever. I might never get another chance to have an experience like this again.’
‘Amanda! Stop!’
I stopped.
‘Firstly, don’t eat with your fingers,’ Mum said. ‘Secondly,thinkabout this before you do something stupid.’
‘I have thought about it,’ I said, leaving out thefor about six secondspart. ‘And I want to do it.’
‘Why?’
‘I told you. It’ll be an adventure.’
‘Don’t lie to me, Mandie.’
‘I’m not!’
‘Then don’t lie to yourself,’ Mum said. ‘You want to make Jac jealous.’
‘That’s not it,’ I said. ‘I swear.’
‘That never crossed your mind?’ she said. ‘The thought of her watching a handsome man fall in love with you and realising she made a horrible mistake?’
‘Of course it crossed my mind,’ I said. I’d never been a good liar, and there was no point even trying with someone who knew me as well as Mum. ‘It’s notwhy, though.’
‘Because she didn’t make a horrible mistake,’ Mum said. ‘Her breaking up with you was the nicest thing she ever did for you.’
‘This isn’t about Jac,’ I insisted. ‘It’s about me. Moving on.’
‘With some fantasy man? Mandie, come on.’
I stabbed at the half-crouton on my plate with my fork and said nothing.
‘That show is a fantasy of a love that hardly ever comes true,’ Mum said. ‘Jac realising she made a mistake and coming back to you is a fantasy too.’
Tears sprang to my eyes. I blinked them back.
But I couldn’t fool Mum. ‘Swapping one fantasy for another isn’t going to help anything, sweetheart,’ she said, reaching across the table and taking my hand. ‘You need to make some real steps forward. Not fantasy steps. Steps towards a new life of your own. A real life. Without Jac in it.’
I heard what Mum was saying. I really did.
