Drinks in hand, we moved away from the bar and out towards the pool, which was studded with candles floating on lily pads. The third glass of champagne appeared to be the charm, because as I sipped at it, the tight knot of tension between my shoulders unwound a little, and I began to regain some of my powers of speech.
Most of this was because of Amanda, who I no longer wanted to punch, because a) she was carrying about eighty per cent of the conversation, and b) she seemed like a genuinely nice person.
She was twenty-seven, she told me, worked as a mechanic and applied for the show after her ex broke up with her. ‘I meant it as revenge at the time, but corny as it is, I really am here for love,’ she said. ‘I know the chances of winning aren’t very high, and even then a lot of Romeos don’t stay with their Juliet, but… what if it was me, you know? Why not me?’
‘Exactly,’ I said, feeling a twinge of guilt in the pit of my stomach.
‘Plus, even if you don’t win, there’s alwaysJuliet on the Beach,’ Amanda said, her eyes twinkling. ‘There’s a few contestants from past seasons I wouldn’t mind seeing there, if you know what I mean.’
I hadn’t even thought aboutJuliet on the Beach. If I could do well enough here to get on that show – where they dump a bunch of ex-contestants from previous seasons on a beach with a ton of booze and encourage them to hook up – maybe that would keep me afloat, rent-wise, until the pandemic was over.
‘I wonder if they’ll even doJuliet on the Beachthis year,’ Other Dylan said, walking up to us, the skirt of her sparkly green dress looped up over her arm. ‘How do you create a virus bubble on a beach?’
‘There’s still time, isn’t there?’ Amanda said. ‘They’ve still got to film a season ofWherefore Art Thou Romeo?after us, so maybe by the time they’re ready to doJuliet on the Beach, all of this will be over.’
‘I really, sincerely doubt it,’ Other Dylan said. ‘I’m a nurse. I’ve seen how this bastard of a virus operates. We’ll be living with it for a while.’
‘You’re a nurse?’ I asked.
‘I am,’ she replied. ‘For seven years now.’
‘I—should I be thanking you for your service? I don’t quite know what to say.’
That wasn’t quite true. I knew what to say, which was,how can I possibly be expected to compete with a beautiful hero nurse?
Other Dylan snorted. ‘You can thank me by not making me think about it,’ she said. ‘I am fully committed to living in fantasyland in here, thank you very much.’
She took a swig from her champagne. ‘Speaking of fantasyland: can we talk about the Romeo? Because that man is fine.’
‘Oh my God, so fine,’ Amanda said.
‘Really fine,’ I echoed, two seconds too late.
‘I was just with him,’ Hero Nurse Dylan said, apparently oblivious to the fact that I was the most awkward person to have ever existed. ‘He’s a nice guy. Really down to earth. Easy to talk to. I liked him.’
‘I liked him too, when I met him on the driveway,’ Amanda said. ‘He has really kind eyes.’
‘That’s a thing for you, isn’t it?’ Hero Nurse Dylan said. ‘Kind eyes.’
‘You can tell a lot about a person by their eyes.’
‘What about my eyes? What do they tell you?’
‘Hmm,’ Amanda said. ‘Come closer. I can’t quite see. You’re too tall.’
Hero Nurse Dylan stooped down obligingly.
‘Your eyes tell me that you’re strong,’ Amanda said. ‘You’re no nonsense. You’re firm.’
‘I think the word you’re looking for is “ball-buster”.’
‘Be quiet, I haven’t finished,’ Amanda said. ‘But you’re also gentle. Tender. Protective, when you care about someone, but—’
‘How dare you!?’ Lily screeched.
Her yellow dress billowed out behind her as she stormed towards us, several members of the camera crew in her wake. ‘How dare you?’ she yelled again, jabbing Hero Nurse Dylan in the shoulder with one perfectly manicured finger. ‘That was my time with the Romeo! How dare you interrupt?’
‘We all want time with him,’ Hero Nurse Dylan said. ‘That’s what we’re all here for. You don’t get to keep him all for yourself, Lily.’
