‘It’s not like you’re committing to do the show,’ Ayo said. ‘Just the audition. Please. Fulfil our curiosity.’
‘We need it,’ Flick said solemnly.
The conversation was a little longer than that, but let’s not pretend it took that much arm-twisting. You don’t get as invested as I was inMarry Me, Julietand not go to the audition.
At the audition, they evaluated both my psyche and my urine – according to Flick, who did some deep-dive internet research to prepare me, the number one reason people didn’t get on the show was herpes. This was followed by some pretty excruciating group exercises, which reminded me of an awful ‘togetherness and trust’ workshop a social worker had once made me and Ayo and some other kids from our group home attend. Finally, they sat me down in front of a camera. ‘So,’ producer Carrie said, ‘tell us a little bit about yourself!’
‘I’m Cece James,’ I said, squinting and shading my eyes from the light. ‘I’m twenty-six, I’m in the last year of myCriminology Masters, and I work in a boutique chocolate shop to pay the bills.’
‘Criminology. Wow,’ Carrie said, smiling. ‘Tell me about that. Are you a caped crusader who fights crime?’
‘No,’ I replied. ‘That’s not what criminology is. It’s not, like, vigilante crime-fighting. It’s about thinking through criminal behaviour from a social perspective. The causes, the impacts, the mitigation strategies, that kind of thing.’
‘What made you get interested in that?’
‘I grew up in foster care,’ I said. ‘Most of the time, people assumed that we’d end up as criminals, if we weren’t criminals already.’
‘That must have been horrible.’
‘It sucked.’
I hoped if I didn’t elaborate, she’d change the subject, but no such luck. ‘So you went into criminology,’ Carrie said. ‘To push back against that line of thinking?’
‘That’s the goal, anyway. I’ve got to finish my degree first.’
‘You’re kind of like Batman. Lost your parents, and now you’re pursuing justice.’
‘Um… I guess?’ I said. ‘Though I think I could come up with some more sensible plans than Batman. If I had all that money at my disposal, I’d be funding some programs and grassroots efforts rather than running around at night in a cape.’
Her laugh was the kind of laugh people do when they recognise you’ve made a joke and they’re trying to be polite. Surreptitiously, I tried to wipe my clammy hands on my jeans.
‘Can you tell me a little bit about your parents?’ Carrie asked. ‘How did you lose them?’
‘They were in a car crash when I was two.’
‘I’m so sorry.’
She was giving me Dickensian Orphan Pity™ eyes. I shifted uncomfortably in my chair.
‘Is that when you went into foster care?’ she asked.
‘Yes,’ I said.
Carrie looked at me expectantly.
I’d watched enoughMarry Me, Julietto know that if she were the Romeo, and I were on the show right now, this was when I’d be expected to spill the beans. The Romeo would give me the same look she was giving me, and I’d be poked and prodded until I talked all about my childhood trauma. I’d cry, and he’d cry, and then he’d kiss me and give some long talking-head interview about how happy he was I was being vulnerable and really letting down my walls, before he eliminated me two episodes later.
‘Now here I am,’ I said, digging my fingernails into my palm.
I clearly wasn’t the first go-girl-give-us-nothing contestant Carrie had ever dealt with, though, because she kept going. ‘Is that why you’re looking for love?’ she asked. ‘Because you’ve been on your own for so long, and you just want someone to lean on?’
I dug my fingernails into my palm even harder. Fucking Ayo. Had I left that line she’d written about having zero love in my life and desperately wanting someone to stay with me forever in my application?
Fucking vodka pineapples.
‘… Maybe?’ I said. ‘I haven’t had great luck in relationships. I’ve fallen in love, but no one’s ever fallen in love with me. I’ve dated a lot of dudes who turned out to be dicks.’
‘Very relatable,’ Carrie said, smiling at me. ‘All right, Cece. I’m guessing that’s not what you want from the Romeo, so tell me what it is youarelooking for in a romantic partner.’
