He exhaled and ran a hand through his hair. ‘I don’t feel like that about her,’ he said. ‘But when she was talking tome, she was so interesting and funny and charming that for a moment, I could see it. Her and me, together. It absolutely fucking terrified me.’
‘Why, though?’ I said. ‘Isn’t the whole reason for you being here to find a girlfriend?’
He was silent.
‘I know your actual reason for being here is to promote Ties Out,’ I said, ‘but you’re allowed to find a girlfriend too. It’s encouraged, even.’
He exhaled again and said nothing. His thumb and middle finger started tapping against each other.
‘You’re such a lovely man, Dylan,’ I said. ‘You deserve to find someone that you could see yourself with.’
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, illuminated by the dim light coming from the Convent and the twinkling starlight above.
‘I just didn’t think,’ he said at last, ‘that it could really happen here.’
He took another long breath, in and out. His fingers tapped faster.
I bit my lip.
Then I reached over and put my hand on top of his, stilling his fingers.
‘If you made a mistake, you can fix it,’ I said. ‘Murray might get all grumpy about it, but he would let you. Bringing someone back into the competition would be great TV.’
He was quiet for a moment. His fingers flexed under mine.
Then, ‘No,’ he said. ‘I didn’t make a mistake.’
He took his hand away and got to his feet, taking several steps away from me. ‘I should go.’
‘Oh,’ I said, wrapping my arms around myself. ‘Okay.’
‘I’ve got a long day tomorrow, and I should get some rest.’
‘You don’t need to explain.’
‘Cece, I—’
‘What?’
There was a long pause before he spoke again.
‘Thank you,’ he said at last, his voice quiet. ‘Having someone to talk to – having a friend – it helps. More than you know.’
‘You’re the one who’s helping me,’ I said.
He shook his head.
‘You are,’ I insisted, getting to my feet and walking over to him. ‘Doing these friend spots with me, carrying me through them when I freak out, making sure I get paid… You’ve done more in a week and a half for me than anyone has ever done in my life. I don’t know how I’m ever going to repay you.’
‘Just keep being my friend.’
His voice broke on the last syllable.
It broke me.
‘Of course,’ I said. ‘Always.’
He put his arms around me and hugged me tight. The stars were brilliant and white in the night sky as I hugged him back. I pressed my face into his shoulder as the first crack formed in my heart.
