‘Because she’s nice,’ he replied. ‘She’s got such a calming presence.’
Dylan was great at making eye contact. It meant that whenever you were talking to him, it felt like he was genuinely interested in what you had to say, even if you were talking about the most banal shit in the world.
It also meant that when he wouldn’t make eye contact withyou – the way he was refusing to do now – it felt like a real choice, and it hurt.
‘Is that what you want?’ I asked. ‘Calm?’
‘Calm is nice,’ he said, staring into the fireplace. ‘I like the thought that love doesn’t have to be passionate fireworks all the time. That it can just be… nice. Steadying. Chill.’
That was exactly what he’d get with Amanda.You make me feel calm,he’d say to her, in the classic finale scene where the Romeo confessed his feelings to his chosen Juliet.You make me feel steady. You make me feel safe. When I came here, I didn’t know what love felt like, but that’s how I know that I love you, and that your heart is the other half of mine.
‘Speaking of Amanda, I should go.’
‘Oh,’ I said. ‘Okay.’
‘Nice talking to you. As always.’
I walked him out like I always did, but he didn’t linger. ‘See you later.’
‘Wait,’ I said.
He stopped.
‘Dylan. Are you all right?’
‘Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,’ he said, running his hand through his hair and tugging at it. ‘Nothing to worry about.’
He patted my shoulder in the most distracted, platonic way imaginable. ‘Bye, Cece.’
‘Bye,’ I said. ‘Have fun on your date.’
‘I will.’
I stood on the verandah of the Convent for a long time, watching him walk back up the hill towards the Villa, towards Amanda and the other women, away from me.
9
A couple of nights later, Jess K moved into the Convent with us. ‘You’re telling me that this bitch gets cosy one-on-one time with the Romeo, like, every single fucking day?’ she snarled, when one of the other women told her about the friend spots.
‘I hope you like sitting upstairs in silence for hours on end,’ Kanda said. ‘Because if you do, you’re going to love Convent life.’
‘How is that fair?’ Jess K demanded. ‘We were clawing and scratching and fighting each other up at the Villa to get time with him. We were humiliating ourselves for it. I nearly got knocked out in the last group date trying to win one-on-one time with him. Belinda lost a goddamn tooth! You wouldn’t believe the shit some of the girls pull at the Last Chance Party to try and get time with him.’
I would believe it. Dylan had told me all about howKumiko had made him strip down and do a salt body scrub with her at the episode two Last Chance Party.
‘But all this time, after all the shit we went through,’ Jess K said, ‘Dylan was sneaking down here just to snuggle up by the fire with the fucking fainter?’
‘There’s nothing going on,’ I said, in my most neutral tone. ‘We’re just friends.’
‘Oh, whatever,’ Jess K snarled. ‘You’re lucky no one up at the Villa knows about this. Lily Fireball would march right down here and rip your tits off and make you eat them.’
I let her yell at me. I let the other women join in.
I wasn’t really listening, though. I was too busy wondering why Dylan hadn’t come down to talk to me before the Last Chance Party to discuss who he should eliminate at the Necklace Ceremony.
After everyone wore themselves out and went to bed, I made my chamomile tea and went out to the verandah.
Dylan didn’t come.
