‘You don’t have to say that it’s all right. I know it’s not. Sorry for the lake as well. That mud looked gross.’
I had no idea how to respond.
‘So why did you come on the show?’ she asked. ‘Were you one of the saps who’s “here for the right reasons”?’ She said the last phrase in a high, mocking tone.
‘No,’ I said, disentangling another twig. ‘I’m broke. This paid. I thought if I made it to the final four, I could make some influencer money.’
‘Oh, honey, if that was your plan, you should have stayed well away from me on that first night.’
‘I tried,’ I replied. ‘Trust me.’
‘It sounds like it all turned out for the best, though.’
I blinked. ‘What?’
‘You made the best out of a bad situation,’ she said. ‘That whole deal you cut with Dylan. The buzz with the producers is that you’re a lock forJuliet on the Beachat least, but if girl-Dylan wins – well, I mean,whengirl-Dylan wins – you’re the frontrunner forWherefore Art Thou Romeo?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Hmm?’
‘What do you mean?’ I repeated. ‘When girl-Dylan wins?’
‘Oh, she’s winning,’ Lily said. ‘That’s been on the cards since day one. Before day one, really. You think the network could resist “hot single-mum pandemic nurse finds love with equally hot and charitable Olympian”? I’m ninety-nine per cent sure it’s in their contracts. Definitely his, anyway.’
I burst into tears.
‘Whoa,’ Lily said. ‘Whoa, whoa, whoa. What’s happening here?’
‘I’m sorry,’ I sobbed.
‘You’ve written yourself a golden ticket,’ Lily said. ‘What, are you scared to doWherefore?I know you were all weird with the cameras or whatever, but didn’t you get over that?’
I buried my face in my hands, digging my fingers into my forehead as I desperately tried to shove the sobs back down my throat.
‘Oh, you stupid bitch,’ Lily said. ‘You went and fell for him, didn’t you?’
She got to her feet, perched on the arm of my friend-zone armchair, and patted me tentatively on the shoulder. ‘You know no one actually comes on these shows to fall in love, right?’
I sobbed harder.
She sighed. ‘Well, no, that’s not true. There’s always a few starry-eyed contestants who think they’re going to find true love. But the lead’s never there for love. It’s for PR.’
‘Dylan—’ I hiccupped. ‘He—’
‘Dylan’s not a fucking unicorn,’ Lily said. ‘He’s here to promote that ties charity he has. He doesn’t give a shit about falling in love.’
I sobbed so hard it felt like my ribs were going to break.
Dylan was here for Ties Out. I knew that. He’d told me that eight hundred times. This wasn’t new information.
But somehow picturing him with one specific girlfriend – with a tall, beautiful, accomplished hero nurse – was a million times harder than picturing him with a potential girlfriend, an unnamed faceless hypothetical girlfriend who didn’t quite exist.
Because if that girlfriend didn’t quite exist, there was still the tiniest chance it could be me.
I reached for my wine glass. ‘Here,’ Lily said, handing me the bottle instead. ‘You might need this more than I do. Which is really saying something.’
I took a long swallow. It burned going down my throat.
