‘It does make sense,’ I said. ‘I’ve had nothing but time to think about it over the last few days, and it makes sense. Nowonder you freaked out the second you could see yourself with Marija. No wonder you panicked when Belinda lost her tooth and you realised the women were fighting to spend time with you. No wonder—’
‘No wonder I didn’t invite you back, when it was the only thing I wanted to do?’
I let myself make eye contact with him. It was either the best decision I’d ever made in my life, or the worst.
‘I have to tell you something,’ he said. ‘It’s a really unfair thing to tell you, so if you don’t want me to, you can leave. I’ll take you back to the Convent right now. You never have to speak to me again if you don’t want to.’
It wasn’t even a choice.
‘Tell me,’ I said.
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. ‘When you said that what we had wasn’t salvageable,’ he said. ‘When you said that we wouldn’t be able to be friends if you fell in love with me… that just about broke me, Cece.’
‘Why?’ I whispered. ‘Why, Dylan?’
‘Because it made me realise that it was already too late for me to salvage anything,’ he said. ‘I was already in love with you.’
Everything stopped. Time. The movement of the Earth. My heart.
‘I didn’t think it was possible to find something real here,’ he said. ‘That was why I agreed to the thing with Dyl in the first place. I didn’t think it would be difficult. I thought I would come here, and I’d go through the motions with some nice women, and I’d pick her, and we’d play out a picture-perfect romance for a while afterwards. Great press and a biggerplatform for my charity. No chance of fucking it up like I did at the Olympics. No chance of blowback on anyone else.’
He buried his face in his hands. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘This is so unfair to you. I love you so much, Cece, and all I’ve done is be unfair to you, over and over again.’
‘Hey,’ I said, reaching over the table and putting my hand on the crease of his elbow. ‘Look at me, all right, Dylan?’
He did, tears sparkling in the corners of his eyes.
‘Explain it to me slowly,’ I said. ‘Start with the thing with you and Dylan G. How did that come about?’
He took a deep breath. ‘There’s a pretty specific story the network wants to tell,’ he said. ‘They always want to tell a fairy-tale romance. You’ve watched the show before, you know.’
‘I know.’
‘But this year, especially, they weren’t taking any chances. Everyone’s trapped at home, and they’re scared about the virus, and they wanted to make… what’s that chemical that releases in your brain when you eat chocolate or pat a dog?’
‘Dopamine?’
‘That’s the one,’ he said. ‘They want to give people a dopamine hit every time they turn the TV on. On top of that, I’m proof of concept that the show can work without being wall-to-wall white people. They wanted to be one million per cent certain it would play out the way they want. So… they rigged it. Me and Dyl.’
‘Handsome Olympian falls in love with hero nurse,’ I said. ‘I get it.’
‘When it was all on paper, I was happy to go along with it,’ he said. ‘Rigging it seemed like a brilliant idea, honestly.I didn’t think it was remotely possible I’d find someone here. At least this way, I’d know exactly what I was getting into. I could make sure it turned out perfectly. The fairy-tale to end all fairy-tales.’
He tugged at his hair. ‘We’ve talked about this,’ he said quietly. ‘You know how important it is for me to do a good job at being the Romeo. All I had to do was go along with it, and I was guaranteed to come out looking amazing.’
‘How far—?’ My mouth was dry, like there were a thousand cameras on me, but there were no cameras now, just him and me. ‘How far were you and she planning to take it?’
‘We weren’t—we’re not planning on getting married or anything,’ he said. ‘I just thought… you know, at the very least, she’d be cool and interesting, and we could be photographed together for a respectful amount of time.’
I could see it. Him and her, together.Dylan Squared!The magazine headlines would scream.A modern-day fairy-tale!
‘I wasn’t wrong,’ he said. ‘Dyliscool and interesting. I like her a lot. If you really had left on the first night, I’d probably be fine with being photographed with her for a respectful amount of time.’
‘But I didn’t leave.’
‘No,’ he said. ‘You didn’t.’
‘I’m sorry.’
