‘Don’t be sorry,’ he said. ‘Don’t you dare, Cece.’
‘But I am sorry, though,’ I said. ‘You wouldn’t be in this position if I hadn’t guilted you into doing those friend spots with me. And I’m sorry I’m not a nurse, or a doctor, or a frontline worker, or someone interesting and useful, or—’
‘I don’t want those things,’ Dylan said. ‘I just want you, Cece.’
A tear rolled down my cheek and splashed onto the laminate tabletop.
‘It’s completely unfair of me to tell you that,’ he said, ‘because I can’t get out of this.’
Another tear. Another splash.
‘I wish I could,’ he said. ‘If it was just money, I’d break the contract in a heartbeat. But it’s not just money. It’s not even just Ties Out. I never get to just be me, not in the public eye. I’m always a stand-in for a whole community. If I fuck this up, I won’t just be fucking it up for me.’
‘You’ve got to do it perfectly,’ I whispered, ‘or else.’
He reached across with his spare hand and wiped the tears away from my eyes. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I’m so, so sorry, Cece.’
I took his hand in both of mine and pressed it to my lips. ‘Will you do something for me?’
‘Of course. Anything.’
‘Will you say it again?’
He didn’t have to ask what I meant. He didn’t have to pretend he didn’t understand, and be all, ‘What, you want me to tell you the whole story again about how I’m about to start a fake relationship with an awesome hero nurse?’
He just knew. Because he was Dylan.
He got up from his chair. He kneeled on the ground in front of me, just like I had kneeled in front of him that day in the make-up tent next to the lake, and took my hands in his.
‘Cece,’ he said, ‘I want to be very clear about this. Crystal clear. So there’s not a single doubt in your mind.’
It was so unfair how beautiful he was, how kind, how perfect.
‘This is not a competition for me,’ he said, his gaze steady. ‘It’s never been a competition. It’s never even been close. I love you.’
I couldn’t help it. A sob escaped me.
‘I’ve never felt like this in my life,’ he said. ‘I’ve never felt with someone the way I feel when I’m with you. Like I can talk about anything and you’ll listen. Like I don’t have to be everything, and that’s all right. Like I’m not alone on that boat in the middle of the ocean, trying to calm myself down. You’re there with me, helping me breathe.’
He laced his fingers between mine. He kissed the knuckles of my left hand, then my right.
‘It hurts how much I love you, Cece,’ he said. ‘Every time I think about it, it feels like I’m having a heart attack.’
‘Are you sure it’s not a panic attack?’
‘I’m sure,’ he said. ‘I know the difference, and this – you – it’s something else.’
I reached out and stroked his hair, combing it behind his ear. ‘Thank you.’
‘What for? For making your life incredibly difficult?’ he said, giving me a flash of that perfect smile of his. ‘You’re welcome.’
‘No,’ I said. ‘It’s… Well, not a lot of people have ever loved me, and… I love you too, Dylan. So much.’
He closed the distance between us in a flash and kissed me.
He held my face between his hands, those beautiful, long, elegant fingers gentle against my face, but firm too, like I was apriceless object he couldn’t afford to drop. I grabbed fistfuls of his shirt, his hair, anything, anything I could hold on to, anything I could use to pull him closer. He was still kneeling in front of me, and I wrapped my legs around his torso, crossing my ankles behind his back. If anyone burst in here right now, they would have a hell of a fight before they could tear him away from me.
He trailed kisses along my jawline, down my neck, along my collarbone. ‘I’ve been thinking about this since that day you told me you were like the dragon inThe Hobbit,’ he said, kissing a spot just above my left breast, right over my heart.
