‘Don’t say that,’ he said, his hand heavy on the nape of my neck. ‘Don’t even put that thought into the world.’
Every night, I went back. Every night, it hurt a little more. Every night, I knew I shouldn’t do it again. Every night, I did.
Every night, I wanted him to say it.I love you. I choose you.
‘Sometimes I can’t believe I eliminated you on the first night,’ he said, his fingers tangling in my hair. ‘How did I not know straight away that it was you? How did it take me so long to see?’
‘One, it didn’t,’ I said, drawing circles on his chest. ‘It’s barely been a month, Dylan.’
‘A month in here is not a normal month.’
I couldn’t argue with that.
‘Two,’ I said, ‘I was a disaster that night. What on earth were you supposed to see?’
He was quiet for a few moments. Some of my hair caught on one of his calluses. He disentangled it carefully. ‘Why was that?’
‘Why was I such a disaster?’
His thumb played over the curve of my jaw. ‘You were all right when it was just the two of us, even though there were cameras,’ he said. ‘But when there were actual camerapeople and soundies and producers and all of that…’
‘I was all right because of you,’ I said, pressing a kiss into the side of his neck. ‘Do you think there’s any way I would have coped on that date scene we filmed after the How Well Do You Know Dylan? Quiz if I’d been there with anyone else but you?’
He made a sound that was somewhere between amusement and self-satisfaction.
‘I’ve never liked being the centre of attention,’ I said. ‘When too many people are looking at me at the same time… How do I put this?’
I exhaled. ‘It’s a survival instinct,’ I said at last. ‘Fight, flight, freeze. I’m a freezer. I try to fade into the background so no one will notice me.’
‘But you can’t fade into the background while everyone’s watching,’ he said softly, his voice whispering across my skin.
‘It’s served me well, before,’ I said. ‘Being able to become part of the wallpaper doesn’t always get you out of bad situations, but it can stop you from getting too far into them in the first place. Growing up like I did, the centre of attention is the last place you want to be. That just makes you a target.’
Dylan’s arm tightened around me.
‘It’s the worst possible survival instinct to have for reality TV, though,’ I said, leaning up to kiss him. ‘Something I probably should have considered before I signed up to come here.’
He kissed me back. ‘No,’ he said against my lips. ‘No considering. No more thinking about a world where I never met you.’
He yanked me against him, and then there was no more talking for a while.
‘I’ve been thinking about it,’ he said a bit later.
‘Hmm?’
‘What you said the other night,’ he said, forehead resting against mine. ‘About how we would have never met, if it wasn’t for this show. I think you’re wrong.’
‘I’m not, though,’ I said. ‘It’s not like we hang out at the same bars, or go to the same parties. Or even use the same dating apps. You can’t tell me you’re not on that super-exclusive Tinder for famous people.’
‘Well…’ He flicked my nose with his finger. ‘Not currently, obviously.’
I smiled.
‘You’re still wrong, though,’ he said. ‘I would have found you, Cece. I don’t know where, and I don’t know when, but I would have done it. You could have tried to camouflage yourself in the wallpaper like a chameleon, and I still would have found you.’
A tear beaded in the corner of my eye. ‘You can’t say that to me, Dylan,’ I said. ‘Not if you don’t want me to fall apart.’
He wiped the tear gently away with his thumb, his skin rough against mine. ‘I love you so much.’
