I glanced out through the laundry window. The moon was high in the sky. It was late. Dylan must be wondering where I was.
‘Sure.’
Amanda closed the door behind her and then perched beside me on the washing machine. Unlike me, though, she didn’t hug her knees into her chest. She let her legs dangle, her feet kicking back and forth, gently drumming the washing machine in a rhythm that was vaguely soothing.
‘Do you sleep in here?’ she said, nodding at the pile of bedding on the floor.
‘Oh. Um. Yes. Kind of.’
‘Kind of?’
‘Technically, I sleep in one of the bedrooms upstairs,’ I said, hoping she couldn’t see how red I was turning in the dark. ‘But Lily kicked me out. She really doesn’t like me.’
‘Ah, Lily,’ Amanda said. ‘I understand all about Lily.’
‘I bet you’re looking forward to living with her again,’ I said. ‘She’s such a calming and chill presence to have around.’
She chuckled. ‘Is it weird if I say I kind of am? The last little while has been so bananas up at the Villa. It’ll be nice to be back on solid ground. At least with Lily you know what to expect.’
‘Most of the time,’ I muttered.
‘Hmm?’
‘Nothing.’
‘It’ll be nice to get a chance to hang out with you, though,’ she said, nudging me with her elbow. ‘We never really got a chance after that first night.’
‘Yeah,’ I echoed. ‘It’ll be nice.’
‘Even if it’s only for a few days,’ she said. ‘It’ll be—Shit, shit, I’m sorry.’
She dabbed tears away from her eyes and sniffed. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said again. ‘This has just been… Oh, God.’
She covered her face with her hands. Her shoulders shook as she tried to stifle her sobs. ‘I’m sorry,’ she wailed. ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.’
‘Hey,’ I said, putting my arm around her. ‘It’s all right, Amanda. You’re all right.’
‘I’m not all right,’ she wept. ‘It’s killing me. It’s killing me. Not being with Dylan – it’s killing me.’
Every muscle in my body turned to stone.
‘Oh God,’ she sobbed. ‘Dylan.’
I understood exactly how Amanda felt. Exactly.
And that was what made the decision for me, in the end.
I could sacrifice the money. I could sacrifice being onWherefore Art Thou Romeo?I could sacrifice whatever it took to wait for Dylan to come back to me, because I knew he would.
I could even let Dylan risk letting all his worst fears come to pass. It was selfish and terrible and probably deeply privileged and problematic of me, but I could risk it, because it was his choice, not mine.
But Hero Nurse Dylan didn’t have a choice. Just like Amanda, she’d been in the Villa for weeks. She’d been going on date after date with Dylan, knowing – expecting – believing! – that they would end up together.
Dylan might not have fallen in love with her, but how could she not fall in love with him? Amanda had. All those other women who came crying down to the Convent, they’d fallen for him too.
In a few days, even if it wasn’t true, he was going to tell her he loved her too.
I couldn’t ask anyone else to go through what I did when I was eight. To hear someone say that they’d fallen in love with you, and then leave.
