I reached for my utility belt and buckled it around my hips, trying to shove away the familiar sensation of frustration.
I didn’t want to be frustrated with her. I’d just spent four weeks being frustrated with her. I wanted to stay here in this precious, golden bubble, the one I’d spent so many years not letting myself dream of; the one where it was just her and me, two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together.
I wanted not to have to strategise. I wanted not to have to think. I wanted to peel that dress off her again and take her to bed and bury my face in the crook of her neck andsleepand not have to worry about what she was doing and which version of her I’d be confronted with when I woke up.
‘It’s nothing bad.’ She held up her hands placatingly.
‘How bad?’
‘Not bad. Well, maybe a little bad. Medium? Medium, maximum.’
‘Lily, what did you do?’
‘I might have let slip to Cece that the show is rigged.’
‘What?!’
‘Only Cece, no one else! She was the only one still up when I arrived. And it’s not like she’s going to tell anyone. She’s got no friends down there. They all hate her because she got so much extra facetime with boy-Dylan.’
I pinched the bridge of my nose. It was only going to be a matter of moments before my eye started twitching. ‘How did you just let it slip to her? That’s not the kind of thing that just comes up in casual conversation.’
‘Would you believe I was trying to be nice?’
I took my hand away from my face and gave her a look.
‘Because I was,’ she said. ‘The place Cece occupies in the story: it’s so interesting. What you’ve done with her, Murray, it’s so interesting. She’s clearly miserable, so I was just trying to tell her how well she’s set up to slingshot onto another show, and it just kind of – don’t glare at me like that, I didn’t sign a fucking NDA.’
‘I did! And if Cece talks, of course they’ll trace it back to me!’
‘She won’t talk. Who’s she going to tell?’
‘How about one of the eight thousand media outlets who cover this show?’
‘Does she really strike you as the type?’
‘No,’ I said, ‘but she’s surprised me more times during this shoot than I care to admit.’
‘Look, it’ll be all right. I know how to fix it.’
Hours. We had been together in my trailer for literallyhours. How was she only just telling me this now?
‘Firstly,’ Lily said, ticking it off on her fingers, ‘just don’t put it in the edit. As soon as I realised the cameras were rolling,I went back out and staged another entrance – full Fireball mode – so you’re not going to have any story gaps.’
The first twitch happened. I pressed the heel of my hand into my eye.
‘Secondly, we give Cece what she wants.’
‘A shot on another show, so she can make more money?’ I said. ‘She’s already got that sewn up. That won’t work as leverage.’
‘You know she’s head-over-heels for boy-Dylan, right?’
‘Do I look like a fucking amateur?’
‘She wants – she needs – some closure. So we give it to her. Let them meet up one more time. She’ll ask him about the rigging. He’ll tell her why he agreed to it. She’ll get a full personal understanding of the stakes, and—’
‘And she won’t talk,’ I said. ‘Because she cares about him.’
I pressed my hand harder into my eye. The flowchart was unfolding in my mind.
