Noah shakes his head, inching closer and closer while the people around us start to take notice. “He’s a flake, Cade. I thought he’d blow this off for, I don’t know, a trip to the bar with his boyfriend.”
Eli’s keynote crescendos with a powerful reading from his book, his voice dropping to that intimate timbre thatmakes half the room lean forward, but makes me want to stick my head in a barf bag and blow. I disliked him before I knew that he cheated on Noah. And by the way, Eli Morton getting Noah in the first place was a Hail Mary. Cheating on him? Fumbling someone like Noah? I mean, I can hardly even believe it. But I look up at smarmy Eli, and I can see it. Some people are just that stupid.
When the speech finally comes to an end, the applause is thunderous. He steps off the stage and immediately makes his way toward the front row, clasping hands and exchanging hugs. Then Noah stands to greet him, because Eli is sitting next to us.
Wonderful.
They embrace and his hand lingers on Noah’s shoulder.
People get to their feet all around them, and the crowd starts to form, so I decide to slip out for some air. Right now, my mind is reeling.
I don’t know why he didn’t tell me.
Noah findsme no more than five minutes later. “Hey.” The one word is loaded. His eyes say a million things, too.
“Eli’s quite the speaker.”
Noah studies me, and I hate that he sees my jealousy,he sees my pain, and I immediately have no secrets. He knows me that well.
He steps closer, one hand coming to rest on my arm, his thumb stroking me over my sleeve. His touch is grounding but the image of Eli’s hand on that same shoulder flashes through my mind, reminding me.
“I didn’t want to color your opinion of him professionally.” He sighs, dragging a hand down his face. I reach out and tug the end of his shirt, and his hands fall away from his face. “I didn’t want you to judge me for dating another professor. And him, too. I mean, god, you think I don’t know what a fucking creep he is? What a pompous douche he is?” He presses his hand into the center of his chest. “I know he’s all those things. I am deeply embarrassed to have dated him, to have thought I loved him. It’s honestly humiliating, and I thought maybe you wouldn’t want to date me. Because of who I dated.”
I nod, swallowing. I guess I can accept that answer, but still, the pain of their familiarity being a surprise. It’s still there, stinging, bright. “Seems like he misses you. And you seemed to enjoy his attention.” While I feel those things, I wish I had the self-control not to say them, but I let my emotions beat out my rational mind.
“Cade. Stop. Listen to me.” He takes my hands, and brings his face very close to mine. Heat rushes down my spine, and I suddenly feel bad for not trusting him. “I should have told you, and I’m sorry that I didn’t. I was only smiling and nice because this is public and for work.Every time he’s cornered me in the halls or the office, I’m an asshole to him. Completely.”
“You two talk on campus?” Another sting in my chest, another burn to swallow down and accept. I’m with him so much, I’ve never seen him talk to Dr. Morton. But this is another thing I didn’t know, apparently.
“Twice. And he called that day in the office. You were there.” He shoves his hands in the sides of his hair and huffs out a stressed exhale. I see him squirming, working so hard to make me see the truth he’s laying out but the hurt at feeling like Noah had secrets after I shared so many. I just… I can’t make this okay for him right now. My heart is aching.
“It’s completely utterly over between him and I and Iknowthat you know that. You know I love you,” he adds, brushing his lips over mine, though I don’t move.
We’re brushed apart right then by a reporter for the San Francisco Chronicle, who came to do a fluff piece on the symposium to drum up interest in the university. And money, of course. He tries to beg off, peeling the reporter’s hand from his arm, but then Eli is there, and Dr. Pratt, too, and the camera is flashing and the reporter is shoving them in frame.
He just said he loves me and he’s now smiling with Eli. The photographer is holding his camera up, and now the truth he just spoke—all of it has to wait.
CHAPTER
TWENTY-FIVE
NOAH
The symposium receptionis overstimulating me at the moment. Crystal glasses clinking, the low murmur of academic conversations laced with booze-loosened laughter, the faint scent of orchids and catered hors d’oeuvres drifting through the crowded space. I’m not usually a fan of these stuffy events, or the speeches, but today things are proving exceptionally irritating.
I had no idea Eli was going to give a fucking speech. The idea that a man who has spent more years sauntering around other universities talking about teaching instead ofactuallyteaching is their choice for keynote speaker is, at the best, cruelly ironic.
But the reason I’m so fucking irritated is me.
I did this to myself. Eli giving a random bullshit keynote because he likely blackmailed someone into itshouldn’t bug me. It wouldn’t bug me, had I told Cade that Eli was my ex.
This is my fault, and Cade is now rightfully upset and on edge. And I’m stuck here taking photographs and talking to guest lecturers while Cade needs me.
I stand near the tall windows overlooking the east side of campus, nursing a scotch while Eli’s hand moves between my forearm and Pratt’s forearm, drawing some stupid comparison between our lecture styles. Like he’d even fucking know. But he’s kissing Pratt’s ass, which means his footing here is perhaps tenuous. I look around, searching for Cade, and sigh, just slightly, when I see him standing with Tara.
An ally. She can talk him down, she can maybe explain to him that Eli is so far from my future that worrying about him is almost laughable.
Part of me hopes she does and another part of me is angry at myself for putting any of us in a situation where Tara has thirty seconds to save my relationship.
