“Okay.” She holds up her tiger’s eye. “That’s a lot of hateful energy. I said I was sorry for sending Wells. Sheesh. It’s just a little hair. And ‘sensitive areas’ could mean your armpits or a mustache.”
I turn to look at my sister’s face, keeping a deadpan expression on mine. “Neither of those options is any better, Suhloannn.”
“Oh, my god. You’re so—”
I cut her off before she addsuptight. “Don’t say it.”
She lifts her hands in surrender. “I wasn’t going to. I was going to say you’re grumpy because you’re in pain.”
As she mentions the pain, I adjust the makeshift ice packs that are currently under each of my ass cheeks.
I thought sleeping off my humiliation would mean it was left in the past, but apparently, that sentiment decided to reinvent itself as well and follow me into today.
If I could blame my sister for this, I would, but neither of us knew that salt water after hair removal would make me feel like a thousand bees had stung me.
We were also unaware that chlorine would make it worse, which is why I ran straight from the beach to the pool for relief, only to now be dry and seated on ice.
I should’ve done it last night instead of hiding under my blanket, painfully reliving Wells finding me.
I groan and roll my eyes. “It’s just, and not to be mean, but he couldn’t have been less attractive? You had to sendtheDavid, for the love of god, to give me hair cream for my ass.”
She laughs. “Oh, so you’re mad because you made a fool of yourself in front of a hottie. Not because I sent someone other than myself.”
“Uh, yes. And worse, he knows that I was staring at those two beach lifeguards and has probably put together that I was hoping to see their…” I emphasize my meaning by dipping my head and opening my eyes wide.
“Dicks?” Moon fills in.
“Shhh,” I hiss, looking around. “People could hear.”
By people, I mean other women. Some are lying on pool chairs, enjoying the late morning, and others are playing in the pool.
They were all smart enough to handle the grooming pre-trip.
“What are you shushing me for?” she tosses back. “You think anyone here is worried about the worddick? Babes, your chakras are so repressed.”
“What?”
“You need motherwort. It helps tap into the power of the pussy. Gives you courage and heals inner wounds.”
“Please never say those words again. I don’t want any kind of wort.” My chuckle turns to a wince as I twist on the ice. “I just need to get to the good parts of reinvention, stat.”
Moon narrows her eyes on me like she’s pondering something, and it makes me nervous.
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
Her smile grows. “Nothing. I’m just thinking about how funny your affliction is.”
“My affliction?”
“Yeah.” She reaches out and pokes my side. “Sex. How long has it been? A year?”
“Stop,” I laugh and roll my eyes. “I don’t have a sex affliction.”
“Lies. You’re basically prepubescent hormones. How long?”
I scowl. “I don’t know. I’ve been busy. I’m not counting.”
“Worst liar on the planet.”
