He lifts his hands as if to say,fair,before we all face the front door together.
“Okay, go,” I yell so Brody can hear us on the other side.
Suddenly, there’s banging as if someone’s trying to break down the door. It’s hard enough that my shoulders jump.
Brooks lifts his voice, trying to make himself sound like a woman. But his voice cracks, making Wells and me almost die laughing, but Brooks commits.
“Don’t open the door, Nicole. You can’t. We’ll be killed by the nice boy I kind of wanted to hump while he carried my plants.”
My hand slaps over my mouth before I smack his shoulder. It’s of no use. He’s having the time of his life, grinning down at me.
So I turn to Wells with a scared look on my face that keeps breaking into a smile.
He grabs my shoulders. “It’s okay, Nicole. Daddy will protect you.”
The minute he says it, I scrunch up my face and say, “Eww. So gross.” But Wells pulls me into his chest like he’s hugging me, only really just shutting me up.
“Don’t talk to your father that way. Even if I’m a fucking perv who stares at your underage friend’s ass. I’ll still protect you because your virginity’s inappropriately important to me. Just don’t open the door.”
They are ruining this movie for me.Mainly because I can’t stop laughing.
But I use it and pretend to cry. Brooks yanks me from Wells, wrapping me inhisarms now.
“Oh, Nicole, I’m sorry I was a terrible stepmother,” he rushes out in an even more terrible version of a woman’s voice. “I take back calling you a slut because you wore lip gloss. I understand now that you were just in love with a psycho. It’s not your fault. That’s on girlhood.”
Jesus Christ. Tears are streaming down my face because I can’t stop laughing.This is the silliest shit I’ve ever done.
Wells’ voice thunders as he smacks the front door. “You’re not getting in this house, David. It’ll be over my dead body.”
The guys don’t have a traditional peephole. They have a speakeasy grate. So as we all get closer to the door, I open the latch to a view of Brody.
His eyes lock to mine, and for two seconds, I’m suddenly in the movie.
He rushes the door and yells, “Lemme in the fuckin’ house.”
I scream, jump scared, followed by Brooks. But Wells swipes me up with one arm, carrying me backward.
“So you’re just gonna let me die?” Brooks dramatizes as I giggle. “You’re on the couch for life, hubby.”
In the middle of his ad lib, the front door bursts open, and Brody walks in.
He stands in the doorway, breathing heavily in a pair of jeans, white Calvin Klein underwear, and a backward cap.
It was his idea after I showed them clips of the movie. But I still can’t believe he owned it all. And I’m simultaneously grateful becausehot.
He charges forward like he’s coming for me, and I shriek as Brooks throws up his arms, speaking in an even higher voice and also Southern for some reason.
“Leave my baby alone.”
I’m laughing too hard watching him run in circles, pretending to panic, as Wells is trying to protect me, but he’s basically just swinging my legs at Brody, who keeps yelling, “Nicole,” like he’s Marlon Brando inA Streetcar Named Desire.
Brody finally gives up and walks over to the coffee table, grabbing a black marker and tossing the cap across the room.
“No,” I rush out, fairly certain I’ve pulled a muscle from laughing too hard. “It’s a permanent marker.”
He looks up at me, keeping his voice that soft nineties bad-boy vibe as he says, “Like our love.”
Then I watch as he pretends to scratch NICOLE 4 EVA across his stomach. He even grunts like it’s painful.
