And for some reason, that last sentence was the final straw.
Hands on her hips, she snapped, “Yup. Because that’s what I do. Hell, I’ve been doing it with you since I got here!”
Slater opened his mouth and quickly shut it.
“That’s right,” she went on. “I’ve been so careful not to say anything about feelings or commitments or asking what we’re doing because I feel like I have to tiptoe around things like that with you. You’re a flight risk and I wanted this—whatever this is—to go on for as long as possible!”
She was breathless and shaking, but there was something very cathartic about getting this off her chest finally.
“Don’t get me wrong, I knew what I was getting into and I just figured if I do what I always do and just try to stay under the radar, we could have this time together. Which, FYI, I’ve wanted with you for a long time.”
She paused and tried to calm down, but the adrenaline coursing through her seemed to push her to keep going. Fortunately, Slater was looking a little too stunned to respond.
“We start talking about us and then we pull back, and I never push because clearly you’re not comfortable with the subject. But you know what? Too bad! Why do I have to be the only one who’s uncomfortable?” Stepping in close, she poked his chest. “You pursued me when we both agreed we shouldn’t keep going. What did you think was going to happen, huh? Did you think I was suddenly going to be okay with you just sleeping with me until I go back to Seattle?”
“Um…”
Another poke. “Did you ever once think that this affair took me so far out of my comfort zone that it was crushing my soul a little?”
“Okay, that seems a little…”
“It’s crushing my soul, Slater!” she shouted before huffing out a breath. “I have genuine feelings for you. Feelings that I want to put into words but can’t. Feelings that I know are one-sided.” Her shoulders sagged. “And that’s on me. I knew what I was doing. But when I go home next week, this is going to be hard for me to get over.”
For a moment, neither spoke, but Slater looked almost painfully uncomfortable.
Maybe she could have kept this all to herself and just left well enough alone, but something just broke in her. And now that it was out there, Evie wasn’t quite sure what she was supposed to do.
“Say something,” she quietly urged.
At first, she didn’t think he would, but when he sat down on the sofa with a weary sigh, she braced herself for the backlash.
She just hoped she’d be able to pack her stuff and move up to the lodge with her dignity intact. So, with her head held high, she waited.
And waited.
And waited.
And just when she was ready to scream with frustration, he spoke.
“You know, you’ve made a lot of assumptions, and I’m not sure how I feel about them,” he said quietly.
“Why?”
He looked up at her, and she saw more emotion there than she’d ever seen before.
“Do you know why I pursued you even though we agreed we shouldn’t keep going?”
She shook her head.
“Because I wanted to be with you. And it wasn’t just about the sex—although that’s been spectacular—but because I enjoyed just being with you. All the conversations and just having someone here with me…it was all new to me, and I wanted more. And I wanted more of it with you because I have feelings too.”
The soft gasp was her only response.
“I don’t enjoy talking about them because I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing and screwing everything up,” he went on. “But I also don’t know what happens after next week, Evie.” His voice was raw, and she couldn’t seem to make herself go to him. “Our lives are so vastly different that I don’t know how to make things work. Sometimes just wanting it isn’t enough.”
Swallowing hard, she finally went and sat beside him. “I know. I’ve struggled with that too.”
“Really?”
