“Yes, I do.” He stares into my eyes as he says this. “You’re right. I need to give people a chance.”
I bob my head, looking around before I find a woman shuffling a deck of tarot cards.
Grabbing Nick’s hand, I pull him toward her table. The woman is wearing at least five colorful scarves draped around her neck, her hair hidden under a burnt orange turban. An assortment of crystals are scattered on her table, along with at least ten decks of tarot and oracle cards.
“For whom am I reading this evening?” she says, glancing between us.
“Him,” I say, motioning toward a stoic Nick.
His posture indicates he’s not at all comfortable with this, yet he’s humoring me.
The woman bows her head, motioning for him to take a seat. He slinks down into the cheap folding chair, nearly breaking the thing. The woman purses her lips before making a show of runningher hands over all her decks until she’s landed ontheone meant for Nick’s reading.
She shuffles the tarot deck with dramatic flair, and I can’t help but stifle a giggle at her theatrics. With a flourish, she lays out the cards, and I find myself leaning in to see what she’s drawn.
“What is this deck?” I ask, nose screwed up in a mix of confusion and cynicism.
I understand that there are an endless number of tarot decks available by extremely talented artists, but this one is just plain weird.
“Ah, the Card of Eternal Socks,” she proclaims dramatically, pointing to a card depicting a pair of mismatched socks floating in a sea of bubbles. “This represents your past, a time of lost socks and misplaced keys.”
I exchange a bemused glance with Nick, who raises an eyebrow in disbelief. The psychic continues, undeterred by our suppressed laughter.
“And now, the Card of Cosmic Cheese,” she declares, gesturing to a card featuring a block of cheese with stars and planets orbiting around it. “This signifies your present, a time of cosmic contemplation and cheesy revelations.”
I struggle to contain my laughter as Nick looks on, clearly unimpressed by the absurdity of it all.
“The Card of Chaotic Chihuahuas. It represents your future and revolves around unexpected disruptions and frenetic energy.”
This card takes the cake in kooky. A tiny chihuahua is running amok in a whirlwind of colorful confetti.
She shuffles the deck once more, flipping through them quickly before one card flies from the deck. She flips it over, revealing walruses frolicking in a whimsical underwater scene.
“Oooh,” she coos, “this is rather interesting.”
I cross my arms over my chest, waiting with bated breath forwhatever revelation of brilliance she’s about to impart on us. “This card symbolizes what’s to come if nothing changes,” she explains. “You can expect unexpected twists and playful energy.” She waggles her eyebrows.
I clear my throat, ready to ask questions to better understand Nick’s spread.
“What does any of that mean?”
The woman opens and then closes her mouth. “Well…I don’t know. Only he does.”
My head falls back with a groan.
The psychic’s over-the-top delivery was the only thing that made the money I’m about to hand over worth it. The fact that she can’t explain the meaning, beyond what the little book that accompanies the cards says, makes it abundantly clear that Nick was right. She’s nothing more than a charlatan.
“Okay,” I say, placing the twenty-dollar bill on the table. “Thank you very much, but we’re going now.”
I motion for Nick to follow me away from the fake psychic before things get any weirder.
His laughter is deep and throaty as he steps up next to me, shaking his head as his chest shakes.
“Shut it, West,” I snap playfully. “Those cards meant something. It’s not their fault the woman wielding them is clueless.”
“Oh yeah? Please enlighten me on the hidden meaning behind the Card of Constant Cheese,” he says, voice cracking as he bursts into laughter.
I slap his stomach. “It was Cosmic Cheese, not Constant.” I can’t help but contain my own laughter.
