The line goes dead, and I wonder if the woman will actually send someone out. The tip was so anonymous and generic, and with it being New Year’s Eve, I’m sure they’re busy as hell.
“When her body is found, it’s going to send the captain into a tailspin. Especially with how busy we already are trying to tie up the Cruz case.” My head falls back. “I can’t imagine how hard this is going to be for her family.”
“It’s the worst possible thing that could ever happen to a parent. My worst nightmare.”
I wince, seeing the way Alyssa’s features are pinched. Even talking about this has her mind on Ava.
“It’s moments like these I’m happy to not have kids. I’d be a nervous wreck. I’m not sure how you do it, Alyssa,” I say, shaking my head.
“I won’t lie; it’s tough. Every time she walks out my door, I worry. Having her so far away makes it all the worse.” She shrugs. “But I wouldn’t change it for anything. She’s made life so much better.”
At one time I thought I’d have a whole houseful of kids. My life was mapped out with the white picket fence and Isla barefoot and pregnant. It wasn’t meant to be.
“I wanted kids back in the day,” I admit, catching Alyssa off guard, if her expression is any indicator. One eyebrow is lifted to the sky, and her mouth is gaped.
“Four boys and one little princess?” she says, and my head jerks back.
“What?”
She blinks several times, mouth opening and closing.
“Nothing, I was just thinking about what Garrett and I once discussed.”
My breath quickens and my palms sweat.
What she’s just said is exactly what Isla and I had talked about so many times. Down to the exact description. It was Isla’s dream to have a big family.
Alyssa lowers her head. “That is now out of the question. No more kids for me.” She doesn’t appear sad, more worried when she delivers this information.
Does she think that would change things for me?
I’m forty-five years old; my days of wanting kids are long past gone. If anything, what she’s said makes her even more perfect in my eyes. We’re on the same page.
Not that children or marriage is even a topic of discussion at this point, but if she were saying she wanted those things, this would be over before we got started. I can’t give her or anyone else kids. I took care of that right after Isla died. That would’ve been my life with Isla, but we were robbed of it, and I knew I wouldn’t want that with anyone else. Ever.
She’s chewing on her bottom lip, eyes misted.
“What’s that look for?” I ask, leaning toward her. “I’m okay with it. I didn’t really know how much time my work was going to eat up. I should’ve, considering my father was FBI, and I saw how much he worked.” I place a stack of pancakes on a plate and slide it over to Alyssa.
“Syrup is in the cupboard.” I jut my chin in the direction of said cupboard.
“I don’t know how some people do it. Garrett and I were a team, and I know I couldn’t have gotten through those early years with him gone a lot for work.”
“Exactly. It’s easy to create fairy tales until real life gets in the way. I would’ve hated leaving my family behind for work. Probably would’ve grown to despise it.” I chuckle. “Funny how life works out. I can’t imagine not being a detective. My work is so important to me.”
She tilts her head to the side, bobbing her chin. “Your life could look very different, that’s for sure.” She locates the syrup and places it on the counter between us.
“I likely would’ve gotten out of law enforcement and gone into sales or something like that.” I make a face, because the very idea of me wearing a suit and peddling products is utterly ridiculous. “I would’ve enjoyed my family but hated my work.” I place my hand over hers, looking into her eyes. “Life has a funny way of knowing what we need more than we do.”
My eyes bore into hers, and she flushes all over, eyelashes fluttering.
“I never would’ve thought I’d be standing in your kitchen. Not like this, that’s for sure. But here I am.”
I smile, walking around the counter, trapping her between my arms, leaning in. “Here you are.”
I brush my lips against hers, and she sighs into it. Something crashes behind us, and Alyssa’s head falls against my chest with a groan.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, pulling back to look into her eyes, momentarily forgetting about the noise.
