"We hated each other for most of that time, Obsidian."
"So it's true that she's a sorceress? People in the other kingdoms are in shock. I'm not sure they know what to believe anymore."
"Yes, it's true," I say, and when he opens his mouth to speak, I interrupt him. "No, she can't fly, yes she can summon fire, no she can't make things across the room catch alight spontaneously, but yes she can do it with her touch, and no her powers aren't fully developed yet."
He laughs. "They were exactly the questions I wanted to ask. Are people trying to take her?"
"I've thwarted four abduction attempts this month alone," I tell him. I've not told Renna that. She doesn't need any more stress on her plate.
"Shit. She needs bodyguards?"
I snort at the suggestion.Not my girl. I tried to hire full-time guards for Renna and it didn’t go well. "No, Rennalya can handle herself just fine. She has a couple this week, while she's recovering, which she isn't happy about. Are you staying in the hut?"
"No, I'll stay here tonight and head back off with Esme in the morning." He points a ringed finger at me before I can reply. "Esme is the name of the ship before you get your hopes up. No wives here, only gold-digging daughters and ambitious fathers. Anyway, I'll come back with another boat of people, and then I'm free until summer, then I'm going to lead the rebuilding of Rinnia with Espan."
I raise an eyebrow, impressed. I don't tell him enough, but he makes me so proud. I wish his mother could see him now, accepting an offer to lead an army of six thousand into rebuilding a capital city. She’d be very proud of him. He shakes his head at me, smiling ear to ear. "Engaged. I cannot fucking believe it. When's the wedding?"
"She doesn't want one. She just wants a quiet dinner."
"Don't do it before I get back."
"I wouldn't do it unless you were there, Siddie. You should sleep before you leave tomorrow. I'll get the shipwrights to give Esme a once-over while you sleep."
He puts a comical amount of food in his mouth and washes it down with red wine before rising to his full height, just two or three inches shorter than me. "I will. Send Lynna to say hello to me when she's free."
I nod, letting him see himself out as I finish reviewing the levels of healing supplies we have left. They're decimated, and it's going to be a hard year ahead for my people, even with the waters receding. We’re rationing food.
But as we have always done, we will manage.
"My lord?" Comes Ellatar's voice, outside my door.
"Ellatar, come in," I reply, scrawling my signature at the bottom of the report. Ellatar steps inside, standing opposite me in golden armour and the deep red cloak that signifies that he is a Royal Guard.
"I just wanted to let you know that the Commander is in your room. She seemed….”
Annoyance bristles up my spine. I hate it when people dither. "She seemed what? Spit it out."
"Inconsolable."
The rest of his sentence drowns into the whoosh in my ears as I push myself back from the desk.Inconsolable. It's not a word I ever want said about Rennalya. I run back through to our room, bursting through the door, my eyes desperately seeking her out. She's not in there, and I push open the floor-to-ceiling doors into the bathroom. She's not there either, but I hear a quiet sniff from my dressing room.
"Rennalya," I say testing the handle; a twisted wooden branch.
The door is locked and she doesn't reply. "Rennalya, let me come in," I ask, keeping my voice soft.
"I'm coming out in a minute, I'm alright," she mumbles, but I can hear she's crying. She was fine at the riverbed, and anger spikes through me. "Has something happened? Has someone hurt you?" I try the handle again.
"I don't want you to come in!" She says, between sobs.
"Renna, fuck. Has someone touched you?" I'd burn the world to the ground if it meant I'd know they were dead. "Who has hurt you?"
"I just don't want you to see me like this!" She says, and my heart fucking cracks. She soundssohurt. I feel completely helpless, and I hate it. I could pick the lock, but it's not what she wants. "I'm not like this. I don't want you to think I'm like this," she explains, through her tears. She's so quiet through the door.
I place my palm and my forehead on the door, an ache in my chest. "Rennalya, I want to marry you. I want to marry your highs and your lows, your laughter and your tears. I want your daydreams and your nightmares. I want your praise and your insults. I want your joy and your grief. It doesn't matter how you feel right now, I still want you. Please, just let me help.”
I hear a quiet shuffle, and then she opens the door, standing in front of me and swamped in one of my giant shirts, the sleeves hiding her arms. "I went to see Onyx and he didn't let me in. And—and I just had to tell Annaliya and the rest of the hunters that Stellan is dead," she says, through her tears. "And they're heartbroken, and I feel like it's all my fault. And I just fucking miss him!"
I pull her into my chest, wrapping two arms around her. I know the privileges of being a leader, but I also know the crushing responsibility and guilt that accompanies it. Every war, every death, every issue, it's hard not to blame yourself. I see it in the slope of her shoulders, the weight behind her steps. This is sitting heavy on her conscience. "You cannot control everything, sweetheart. Stellan's death was not of your doing."
