"So what, you almost kissed her? I think you're being much too hard on yourself. That woman is...there's something about her. She's more beautiful than anyone I've ever met. Who can blame you? I would kiss her if I could."
This conversation should’ve ended half an hour ago, but I’m bravely soldiering on because there’s still wine left in the bottle. "Why are we still discussing this?"
"Because it's good for you!" She protests as I fill her glass with the wine that cost me more than the diamonds in her ears. “It’s healthy, Rex.”
"I never make mistakes like this. She's a mortal, and I cannot disregard the fact that she likely has something to do with what happened at the Vault."
"Well, you didn't marry her. I don't think you need to be as worried as you are if it meant nothing to you?"
"It meant nothing," I affirm, repeating the same phrase I'd told myself over and over today.It meant nothing.But I can’t rid my thoughts of the ruthless assassin with a happy laugh and a love for strawberries and bad jokes. My hand tightens around my glass, threatening to shatter it. I have to stop thinking about her. I cannot act on this unexplainable lust.
"Will you tell the people what happened at the Vault?" Lynna asks, freeing her hair from its clip, letting long white hair tumble all the way down to the sofa she is perched on. I’m grateful for the change of topic.
"No. They'll panic. Whoever it was only got through the first doors before they ran off. There's no need to tell them."
"And if the South is trying to disturb the Vault Stones?"
"Then I'll take them to war. There is no other option. The South will not get in the Vault. Not while I have breath in my lungs."
"I do not doubt you," she says, softly. "We're preparing to stockpile healing supplies for emergency use."
"Good. I'll issue more formal guidance to you and Talyn this week." I take a deep breath and sigh. "And ifshe’sbehind it?"
"Renna? Behind the Vault break-in? Rexxan, she's morally corrupt, but she's not any more morally corrupt than you. She wouldn't dream of throwing the order of the elements off."
"Or she's got us all fooled. Frian is interrogating people about her as we speak."
"When was the last time you took a day off?"
She's so nosy, but I cannot fight her on it. Lynna, Cetresar, Ellatar, and Frian are the closest thing I have to friends. "Last year."
"That's bad, Rex."
"I have no reason to take a day off."
“Well do, because all of us who love you are worrying about you. You used to take every other weekend off.”
Ignoring the use of that four-letter word that I despise so much, I take a deep breath. "I'm not the man I was then. I've seen too much. Been through too much."
She nods in resigned agreement and hovers her hands above my chest. I flinch involuntarily, my abdomen tensing as she places a porcelain hand over the scarring across my chest.
"They're bad today," she says, her fingertips starting to glow with magic. She whispers Evergreen spells under her breath, spending an hour desperately trying to cool them. It doesn’t work. It rarely works.
* * *
The weekend was a bad one,even by my standards. By midday on Saturday I had lost my voice from screaming into and passed out sometime shortly after, surrounded by healers. Now I’ve woken up and it’s Monday, two hours from the ball.
I’ve taken so much pain relief I feel sick, my vision blurred from the pain across my face and chest. But I have to go. And as I have always done, I will wear a blank expression through the agony and bear it.
I don’t want to go, but as much as I resent losing my evening of hunting in the forest, the ball signifies the end of a month of royal visits and other boring duties. I’ll attend together with Lynna, as I have done at every event this decade to save each other the torture of going with anyone else.
"Perhaps Renna's brother will be there," I goad her, raising an eyebrow. Her pale cheeks flush a little and she smiles shyly.
"He has no interest in me. He expresses no emotion, and just stands watch of his sister like a hawk."
This is a first; Lynna’s interest in someone being unrequited. "Not that I'm interested," she adds, far too quickly. I raise my eyebrows a few times at her, and she punches my abs weakly. "Don't you dare mention anything to him!"
I smile like a fool because this is so unlike her. It’s like being in our past again, before the cruel jaws of life chewed us both up, spat us out, and left us to deal with the consequences. It is sweet, and though I like to pretend I care for no one, I’d cut off my left hand to see Lynna happy one day. I doubt Onyx is as immune to her as she thinks.
