And just like that, the words she'd meant so kindly feel like a twisting knife to the chest. When I open my mouth to formulate a reply, nothing appears.
"You do want children, don't you? Oh, it'd be such a waste if you didn't! They just adore you!"
"Mary, you couldn't get me a glass of water, could you?" Asks Rexxan, flashing her a smile that no woman in Yterras could possibly say no to. She’s a puddle on the floor at the sight, stopping to stare at him for a split second before she leaps into action, scurrying off. Rexxan turns his eyes to me. "Renna."
I hold up a hand. “Just don't."
"Fine," he acquiesces, opening the door for me with a baby on each hip. I sit opposite him at the middle of the long table with bench seats, spooning stewed apples and porridge into a baby’s mouth. I was supposed to be killing a murderer today, but this’ll do.
"You're very pretty!" Says a girl. "Rexxan, isn't she pretty?"
"Very pretty," mutters Rexxan, busy helping another child who has managed to get porridge actuallyintohis nose. How do they manage that?
"You didn't even look!"
Rexxan looks up, and the fire in his eyes is enough to make my breaths come a little faster. Lazily, indulgently, he runs his gaze up and down my body in a manner that is far too inappropriate for this setting. His eyes set alight as he rolls up his shirt sleeves as if he is suddenly too warm. I’m rendered speechless. "She's very,verybeautiful, Mia," he says, but he doesn’t rip his gaze from mine as he says it.
He pokes her in the ribs. "Happy now?"
Mia squeals in delight. "You're gonna marry her!"
"What is it with you women in my life!" He says, exasperated. "You remind me of my mother! She was always mentioning marriage."
"Is she dead too?"
"Yes, both my parents are," he tells her, stealing a carrot off her plate. He leans back on the bench, checking on the same girl for the hundredth time that day. A tiny, too-thin, blonde toddler is sat on her own, her food untouched. He swivels around, too large for all of this normal-sized furniture, and stalks down the line of children. He swings her onto his hip and walks her back to us. His hands lower the girl onto the bench, dropping down next to her.
"Not hungry, Poppy?"
She shrugs, her huge eyes too big in her head. She is heartbreakingly sweet. She'd not let go of his sleeve all morning. She eyes me nervously and I give her a hopefully-warm smile. “Good afternoon, Poppy."
She buries her face in Rexxan's shirt and he turns her back around slowly. "This is Renna. You can trust her."
"You…friends with her?"
Rexxan pauses, not knowing what to say. Friends feels somehow too much and not enough. Friends doesn’t explain the hatred I feel for him. Friends also doesn’t explain the intensity of the desire I feel when he is around.Friendsis not the word, but I don’t know what is.
"They're getting married!" Shouts Mia, and Rexxan slaps his palm to his forehead.
"Who's getting married?" Yells another child, chaos erupting. They barrel towards us like an army of fun-sized hunters, asking us if it is true, and before long, Rexxan and I are in hysterics, fending off little children who are asking us to read our wedding vows.
"Oh my word, Rexxan, help!" I yell, through uncontrollable laughter as fifteen children pile on top of me. Gods, I definitely cracked a rib fighting Stellan yesterday. I wince as another one jumps on. Rexxan is trying and failing to look serious.
"Stop!" He shouts, and the children all fall silent, frozen in place as they look at him for instruction. "Bring her down!" He yells, and they all go ballistic, attacking me with stuffed toys and wooden swords.
Thatbastard.
When the golden evening sun is stepping aside to give twilight her turn, we finally escape the orphanage. I take a step outside the rusty old door and let out the longest, most exhausted sigh of my entire fucking life. I reach my hand into my bag. “Do you want to go and split this bottle of wine by the lake?"
"Want isn't a strong enough word," he says, surprising me. I’m grinning at the floor for some reason as we walk to the nearby lake. We've not spoken much today, but I feel like we've come to understand each other better. Neither of us is the cold, heartless fool that the other one thinks we are.
"I watched you in the training ground,” he says, as we sit on the riverbank and hide amongst the reeds so we don’t attract a crowd. "It was impressive, if not stupidly dangerous."
I smile, watching his tanned skin glow in the evening sun. The smoother skin of his scars stands slightly paler than the rest of his face, and in a twisted way, it’s really beautiful. "Thank you. I've always loved acrobatics. Combining it with fighting has got to bethemost enjoyable thing ever, even if it’s pointless."
He’s silent, and I realise how that sounded. I mean, it’s notthemost enjoyable thing ever. Oh, no. Now I'm picturing other fun things. I'm blushing. I know I'm blushing. He raises an eyebrow, probably reading my mind with his stupid magic fucking abilities. I shriek, hiding my face in my cloak. "Stop reading my mind! Stop with your wizardry!"
"If you shake your head hard enough, I can't read it."
