"Lynna. Now isn't the best time. I really want to catch up with you though! I'm just running late, and—“
"Renna, I'm serious. We have to talk. You have to tell him."
I slip my indifferent mask on. "I don't know what you're referring to."
"Renna, tell Rexxan or I will have to. I cannot lose my job over this. We'll protect you. No harm will come to you."
I feel guilty, but I have to close the door on her before the conversation goes too far. I need time to figure out what to do about all of this.
I don’t deserve him.
I hurry out the door and down endless hallways until I’m out of Espan’s palace and riding out of the city gates.
Chapter18
The Truth (Rexxan)
"Are you weelly going to marry Renna?" Asks Poppy, as I put on her little white socks and muddy boots.
"Gods, give me strength. Not you as well."
She shrinks back, her eyes widening as she scrambles away from me. "I'm sorry!”
Ouch. There's an ache where my heart would be if I had one. "Anpopeia, you're not in trouble. That was a joke."
She says nothing, and I know my slight comment has bashed the insubstantial trust I’ve built between us. I'm more used to my own son, with his ironclad confidence and complete lack of fear. No one knows what had happened to Poppy before she came here, but I wish I could fix her.
I take her on a walk and a picnic every time I come to Rinnia. She loves the outdoors, and once she's out of her shell, she's got a little attitude that I value so much. I remember her question and let out a tired sigh. "I'm not going to marry Renna, no."
"Butwhy?" She whispers, as I sit her on my hip.
"Why? So many reasons, Poppy. She doesn't want to be a Queen. I don't want her to be a Queen. She can't sit still for more than an hour and she hates living inside. She's not very honest with me, and she can't behave. She has her own people to lead, and on top of all of that, we don't like each other."
"Butshelikes you, and you likes her!" Poppy says, gesturing with tiny hands and looking at me as if I am stupid. Maybe I am stupid.
"She does not!" I deny, carrying her out the front door. We sit under a tree to escape the light rain, sharing a slice of apple pie. I broach the subject that I have avoided, just in case she wants to talk about it. "Mary told me you went home with a couple."
"A cuddle?" She asks, holding her apple pie as if I might snatch it off her at any moment.
"A couple. A man and a lady."
She nods. "But they send me right back. They swapped me for Benny."
Ouch again. My heart sinks. "You know, you'll find someone who is perfect for you."
She shakes her head. "I am called a difficult case."
I don’t like to hear her talk like that about herself. That’s an overheard sentence if I’ve ever heard one. "Did Mary say that to you?"
"I heard her say it to Juno," she says, blinking big eyes at me. Every other child I've met has asked me if I'll take them home with me, but never Poppy. Not once in all the years I've known her has she asked me if I can adopt her. I don't know if it's because she's scared of the answer, but I wish she'd find a patient family.
After we finish our food and she finishes showing me all her best drawings, I take her back to the orphanage, swapping her old, tattered boots out for the new ones I'd got her.
As I leave down the battered wooden steps and into the scorching midday sun, I whisper a silent prayer that the next time I find myself in Rinnia, I don’t find her here.
* * *
For the fourthnight in a row, I hammer my fist on Lynna's door. I don't know where she's been staying this week, but she's been hiding from me. Tonight, however, a slither of warm light illuminates the floor beneath the door. "I'm coming in."
