“He’s busy,” comes a voice, and I spin to see Frian beneath one of the arches of the courtyard walls, his dark hair as wet as mine is. I’m soaked through, my hair plastered to my face as cold droplets run over my lips. “He wants you to know he’ll find you when he is free again.”
“Where is he?” I ask, as the wind whips my cold hair around my face.
“In a spare bedroom,” he says, and I take off running. He bolts after me, trying to slow me down as I reach the other bedrooms. “He’ll find you when he’s not busy.”
“Stop saying he’s busy when I know he’s hurt!” I shout, and when I feel warmth caressing my bitterly cold face, I realise I’m crying. Why, I don’t know, but I feel tethered to Rexxan by some kind of invisible string. It’s so hard to imagine him in any pain. It’s hard to imagine him vulnerable. I hear low muffled screams outside a guest room and fresh tears form in my eyes as I knock on the door.
"It's Talyn," replies his healer, from inside. “Are you hurt, Renna? Can I help you?"
"I want to see Rexxan."
"He's in here, I'll have to let you know when he's free, my lady."
"Rex, are you too busy for me?"
"Rennalya, come back later," comes Rexxan's voice, strained and quieter than usual. He’s in agony.
Concern prickles the base of my spine. "Are you alright?" Stupid question. I know the answer.
"Come back later," he insists, and I press my forehead to the door. “I won’t judge, Rex. I just miss you."
"I'm not good to be around right now," he says, after a low grunt of pain. I feel my bottom lip trembling.
"Please?" I ask, knowing that my seeing his weaknesses is a vital step in our attempts to get closer. We’re just two damaged people too scared to be handled by the other, but I want to change that. Talyn opens the door and I take a deep breath. Rexxan has been holed up in his room with his burns a few times since I've met him, but I've never been allowed in. I step inside tentatively.
I bite my lip to try and stop my crying but it’s fruitless. Rexxan is shirtless, lying on his back on a metal table, and his wrists are strapped down by his sides with brown leather. It is haunting.
Every vein on his huge arms is visible as he pulls against the ties. Talyn is carefully putting something on each branch of his burns whilst another healer lets magic flow over his skin.
"Fuck!" He shouts, trying to move but being held completely still. His scars spread across his face and chest, almost glowing with heat. "Stop, fucking stop," he begs them, blood running down his clenched fists. They don’t listen.
"What're you doing?" I shout, pulling Talyn away. "He asked you to stop!"
"He doesn't mean it, Rennalya. If you're going to be in here you need to just sit and watch."
"He wants you to stop," I whisper, swallowing the lump in my throat. I take his hand, understanding now the source of this man's depravity. It all makes sense now, and I have a feeling I don’t even know the half of it.
Talyn continues, putting some kind of orange liquid on the scars that branch down one side of his muscular chest. "Fuck!" Rexxan shouts, again, his whole body shaking in agony. He can hardly breathe, the leather cutting into his skin.
I can take it no longer. "Talyn, I swear to the gods, if you don't stop now, I will hurt you."
Talyn puts his hands in the air and sighs. "Commander Renna, I've been doing this for four hundred years. He's asked me to stop many times and he has never meant it."
"Rexxan," I whisper, warm tears dripping from the tip of my nose. He opens his eyes slightly and I fight the sob that threatens to break free from my throat. I can't imagine the pain he's in. I've seen this man cut a wolf fang out of his own chest without looking bothered.
His chest heaves up and down as he tries to talk. "I'll be okay by tomorrow, Ren,” he whispers. "Don't cry. This happens all the time."
I open his clenched fist and run my finger over the deep cuts in his palms where his fingernails have sliced his skin. "Don't cry," he repeats.
"They've tied you down," I say, my voice breaking. I hate this.
A low grumble vibrates in his throat as his burns surge a little. "Only because of the pain. They need me to be still so they can help me. Don't cry, angel."
"But you were asking them to stop!"
"It's instinct. Renna, please don't cry for me. I hate it when you cry."
"I'm not crying!" I say, even though I am. Rexxan raises a shaking finger at Talyn who frees him from his restraints and leaves. He grunts as he sits up, a hand pressing hard on his chest. I climb into his lap, engulfed in the heat of his burns like I am sitting beside a fireplace. "I was worried."
