This is not a helpful line of thought.
By the time a warning light forces us to stop for gas about fifteen minutes from the airport, I’m paralyzed by fear.
Vincenzo hops out to fill Belladonna’s car for her, tugging my door open to poke his head in. “Want anything for the … umm … the bus ride?”
“The bus ride?” I say, voice distant and gaze focused straight ahead through the windshield. My teeth chatter, hands shake, pulse hammers.
“I’ll get you some chocolate,” he says, but he sounds far away.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt this scared.
“Ophelia, hey,” says Jack, like he’s trying to distract a child. He drapes his hoodie over my legs. “Get her some activities to do, Vin. Like a puzzle book. And a pack of gum.”
“Will do.” He slams the door.
Jack turns to me. “Download a film and some music, or a podcast or something for the flight. It’ll help.”
Belladonna scowls at me but says nothing.
When Vincenzo gets back to the car, he has what looks like a weekly food shop for a family of four. He dumps a plastic bag onthe back seat between Jack and me. “Got you those gross Wine Gums you like, Bella. And a Red Bull.”
“Thanks, Vinnie.”
“It’s just a seven-hour bus ride, Pheelz. Nothing more.”
“Forty thousand feet in the air.”
Vincenzo turns in his seat as Belladonna pulls the car away, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. Their security guys follow suit in the black SUV behind us. “You got this. I know you do.”
Like Colette, I have some twisted affliction where people being soft and kind to me makes me sad. “Don’t.”
He rummages around in the bag, seat belt almost strangling him. He drops a packet of Werther’s Originals in my lap. “Apparently these are old person candies. You love old person shit.”
“That’s rude,” I grumble. It’s not rude at all. It’s friendship and its companionship and it’s everything I’ve been missing.
Vincenzo’s grin is lopsided, all sparkling eyes and chipped teeth. “Well … you like custard and crosswords. And peace and quiet. You think portable phone chargers are the pinnacle of technology.”
Somehow, he’s dragged a reluctant smile out of me. “These are my favorite sweets.”
He cackles victoriously, sliding back into his seat to face the front. “Fucking knew it.” He sticks his hand into the back of the car like my dad used to do whenever he heard me rustling a packet in the car. “Gimme one to try.”
I drop one into his palm, watching his oversized hand struggle with the wrapper. He drops it into his mouth and immediately inhales it. The other three of us can’t stop laughing, even Belladonna. I half wonder if he is going to choke to death, but he doesmanage to swallow it and clear his airway. His hand reappears immediately, fingers moving in an impatient beckoning motion. “Another. Didn’t get to taste that one.”
“Are you going to lodge this one in your windpipe, too?”
“I’m not planning to, no.”
I give him another, finally understanding why Alex is so determined to keep Vincenzo around, despite wanting to cut ties with that world entirely. In any situation, he’s the one that keeps everyone going.
He must like the sweets, too, because his hand periodically appears in front of me all the way to the airport.
The past fifteen minutes have been a lot better, but the first thing I see when Belladonna steers us into the long-stay car park is a helicopter taking off.
“Shit,” breathes Vincenzo. He slides his headphones over my ears in half a second, music deafening, but it’s too late. I curl in on myself, waiting for the crash, waiting for the almighty boom. I count to thirteen, and when it doesn’t come, I count again. I picture the helicopter spiraling down toward the rugged Scottish Landscape.
In my nightmares, it’smyname that my father screams as he falls.
If I hadn’t told them to rush home for burger night, maybe they’d still be here.
